Adventures in Knocking Oneself Up, Part Deux

Heyas,

So, officially done with inseminations...I need to send my dewar back tomorrow and just sit and cross my fingers. Two days past positive OPK, three (or four, depending on how you count midnight insems) days past the first tryst with my trusty syringe. So am I one, two, or three days into the TWW? I'm thinking I'm going to test on the 14th...that'll be about three days after the earliest AF is due this month.

So far...eh, I don't know, it's not like I thought it would be. I was sure I'd be driving myself crazy, second-guessing even the slightest twinge, stubbornly trying to resist the urge to buy a pregnancy test even when I knew damn well it would be too early to even think about testing.

But it's been surprisingly....not like that.

I don't know if it's an instinct, or a feeling, or what, but I'm not stressing about this. Not to say I "feel" pregnant...but more that I feel my body knows either way already and is just going with the flow until my mind catches up. I'm hopeful, oh GOD am I hopeful. I've been feeling weirdly nauseated for the past two days (just barely, you know? Constant, low-level queasy with occasional flares into "man, I wish I could just puke" territory...but I never get the flood of saliva in the back of my throat that always heralds a technicolor yawn.) but am logical enough to know that such could simply be a manifestation of my wish to be feeling symptoms. Even if this DOES work, I'm still a few days away from actual conception or implantation. *shrugs* The tricks our minds can play on us, eh?

Doesn't stop me from fantasizing about seeing a little smear of brownish-red when I hit the ladies (in 15 years, I've never 'spotted' before AF) or making a grab for the little paper bag during my plane ride next week (been flying since I was six, and never been airsick).

We shall see, Imp, we shall see.

I do like feeling as close to you as I have these past few days...looking down at my stomach and thinking that somewhere, one of Frozen Boy's little swimmers could be burrowing into that tiny, tiny cell to create you. You're such a real person to me already...I can't imagine actually feeling you growing inside of me. Incredible.

I'm doing a lot of visualization, a lot of meditation...imagining you, wondering what it'll be like to be pregnant with you. Sometimes I think I want to test for you the very single instant I could reasonably do so.

Sometimes I think it would be better to wait a couple more weeks, until I KNOW that it's not just that AF missed the bus or something. I don't know...I'm going to bring a test to Africa, regardless...but I don't know when I'll use it.