Jul 30, 2008

Adventures in Knocking Oneself Up, Part Trois

Heyas,

Isn't it sad that the only reason I know how to say three in French is because it's part of the phrase that means threesome?

Anyway.

Well, nearing in on a week since my first insem. I don't know how it's going, really. Sometimes, I'm very optimistic, sometimes I think there's no way I'm pregnant right now. Normal, I suppose, but yeesh, very emotionally yo-yoish. Still not hitting the hyper-stressing out that I was expecting...but I teeter in between feeling like I got the Imp on the first try, and feeling like there's no way in Hell. I'm also consciously trying to be pessimistic, I guess, and telling myself that I'm being ridiculously overconfident in assuming I could ever have that kind of first-timer luck. This way, if it doesn't take, I won't be too devastated (I hope), and if it does take, it'll be a wonderful surprise.

Symptom-wise...I just don't know. There's been some tingling in the girls...definite moments where I've brushed up against them and been like "Whoa, ouch!". But I don't think there's been any swelling or darkening of anything. I'm feeling like I'm hungry more often...but as erratic as my eating schedule has been with trying to get a classroom put together and an apartment emptied and cleaned, I don't feel like I can trust that feeling. Temps are unreliable as well as my roommate keeps the house much, much warmer than I'm accustomed to...my BBT is always up from what it usually is, 'cause my room gets so damn hot at night. I'm slightly encouraged by the fact that my 'active' body temp seems to be up, even when I'm in an air-conditioned place...usually it hovers in the low 97's...lately it's been consistently almost 98.

I'm really scratching my head at the mucus in the ladybits...I've *never* had mucus this long. Since I started keeping track, I've had two or three days of barely-there 'slime', a day or two of REALLY heavy 'flow', and then maybe a day of the barely-there stuff again. Toilet tissue has been very mucus-y for going on eight days now. WTF?

One thing that is kind of encouraging me though...I feel *sick*. Nausea has been almost constant since a couple days after my first insem. At least once or twice a day, I feel like I'm thisclose to vomiting, and it never really goes away, but never gets bad enough to puke. I think if I was actually ill, it would've gone away or I would've paid homage to the porcelain gods a few times by now...stomach bugs don't last very long with me at all (hell, ordinarily I'm literally fine and dandy once I actually vomit). Also...last night we had Chinese, and the smell of D's sweet and sour pork actually got to me for a minute...it was really unpleasant.

Now, if any of you knew about me and my love affair with Chinese food, you would know that the idea of me not finding the scent of Chinese food appealing is, like, getting into Sign of the Apocalypse territory. I may not enjoy *eating* every type of dish, but I looooooove the way it smells.

But, then I think, "Am I psyching myself out?" I'm very good at stuff like that.

So...I dunno, Imp. Are you here with me? Are you not?

AF is due August 8th. I think I'm going to wait to test 'til the 14th, just to be sure.

Scary stuff, Imp...it'd be really cool if you could start rooting around here a bit...give Mommy some more concrete signs.

Jul 27, 2008

Adventures in Knocking Oneself Up, Part Deux

Heyas,

So, officially done with inseminations...I need to send my dewar back tomorrow and just sit and cross my fingers. Two days past positive OPK, three (or four, depending on how you count midnight insems) days past the first tryst with my trusty syringe. So am I one, two, or three days into the TWW? I'm thinking I'm going to test on the 14th...that'll be about three days after the earliest AF is due this month.

So far...eh, I don't know, it's not like I thought it would be. I was sure I'd be driving myself crazy, second-guessing even the slightest twinge, stubbornly trying to resist the urge to buy a pregnancy test even when I knew damn well it would be too early to even think about testing.

But it's been surprisingly....not like that.

I don't know if it's an instinct, or a feeling, or what, but I'm not stressing about this. Not to say I "feel" pregnant...but more that I feel my body knows either way already and is just going with the flow until my mind catches up. I'm hopeful, oh GOD am I hopeful. I've been feeling weirdly nauseated for the past two days (just barely, you know? Constant, low-level queasy with occasional flares into "man, I wish I could just puke" territory...but I never get the flood of saliva in the back of my throat that always heralds a technicolor yawn.) but am logical enough to know that such could simply be a manifestation of my wish to be feeling symptoms. Even if this DOES work, I'm still a few days away from actual conception or implantation. *shrugs* The tricks our minds can play on us, eh?

Doesn't stop me from fantasizing about seeing a little smear of brownish-red when I hit the ladies (in 15 years, I've never 'spotted' before AF) or making a grab for the little paper bag during my plane ride next week (been flying since I was six, and never been airsick).

We shall see, Imp, we shall see.

I do like feeling as close to you as I have these past few days...looking down at my stomach and thinking that somewhere, one of Frozen Boy's little swimmers could be burrowing into that tiny, tiny cell to create you. You're such a real person to me already...I can't imagine actually feeling you growing inside of me. Incredible.

I'm doing a lot of visualization, a lot of meditation...imagining you, wondering what it'll be like to be pregnant with you. Sometimes I think I want to test for you the very single instant I could reasonably do so.

Sometimes I think it would be better to wait a couple more weeks, until I KNOW that it's not just that AF missed the bus or something. I don't know...I'm going to bring a test to Africa, regardless...but I don't know when I'll use it.

Jul 26, 2008

Adventures in Knocking Oneself Up

Heyas,

So, just swung the legs down from my second insem...huzzah, huzzah, one more to go. 'Tis definitely been interesting. I was honestly expecting this to be harder...I mean, I had visions in my head of something along the lines of the Lucy and Ethel comedy hour...exploding vials, embarrassing stains, weird noises...

Well, okay, maybe not weird noises.

That calls to mind some somewhat disturbing imagery.

But yeah, was totally expecting this to be difficult. Instead, I've found it to be remarkably straightforward to get the now-unfrozen Frozen Boy from little vial to syringe, and syringe to ladybits. So far, the biggest deal has been when I realized I'd forgotten to turn the lights out for the one I did at midnight the other night.

Well...maybe it would be better to say that I forgot to take into account that I would want the lights out...'cause really, how can someone not notice the lights are on? It's pretty obvious, what with the utter lack of darkness and all.

Any road, I was lying on the bed with pillows thrust under hips (and really, how much elevation is enough? Like, do I have to be doing a yoga headstand, or can I just tilt them a little?) and I realize I have no way to turn the lights off. And naturally, once I realized this, I REALLY wanted the lights off.

Fortunately, I managed to solve the problem with a rake.

Yes, there was a rake in the bedroom. See, I'm moving into my friend D's house and I was staying in her little tool room/guest room while what is going to be my bedroom was in total disarray.

Yeah, I don't know why there's a tool room/guest room either. Seems like an odd combo.

Any road, I was able to grab a rake off the floor and use the handle to hit the light switch. I also managed to hit my head with the handle while setting down, but that was inevitable anyway. Large blunt object in the immediate vicinity of this Elf? Oh yeah, something's getting hit.

So, that was my first insem, done twelve hours before I got the actual positive OPK. Then, I got my positive OPK yesterday at noon and just got done doing the second insem today at noon. I think I'll do the final one at midnight tonight. *nods decisively* Two midnight insems, eh Imp? The hour when the veil between worlds is thinner...I like it.

Had kind of a cool experience right before I did the first insem. I'm teaching myself how to do Tarot readings this summer...well, not so much teaching as trying to learn all the meanings of the different cards, since the actual reading is just meditating on a question and then interpreting what the cards tell you in relation to that question. For instance, the Death card could come up in the position that relates to future outcomes. If the Death card is upright, it symbolizes change, transformation, and beginnings/endings. If it's upside down, the reverse meaning comes through, which is stagnation, dead-ends, misfortune, etc. If I was asking a question about my career, the Death card in the future happenings position might symbolize a change of jobs or a promotion, or it might indicate taht staying in my current career would make me unhappy or bring about some bad changes in my life.

Sorry. Mini-lesson. I'm a teacher, can't help it.

Any road, I'd been doing a reading (naturally, the question on my mind was if I was going to be successful at this ttc thing on the timetable I was hoping for) and gotten kind of frustrated because I was having trouble with interpretation. Frustration and impatience are bad things to be bringing to a Tarot reading, so I decided to just clean the cards up and go do something else until I was in a better frame of mind. Anyway, as I was about to put the cards into the box, I muttered to myself, "God, Grandma, help me out here...I just wanna know if this'll work out or not." I've spoken about my grandmother on here before...I talk to her a lot, asking her for guidance, asking her to watch out for me from the other side. Anyway, right as I said this, and I mean down to the very second I finished my sentence, my hand spasmed or something, and suddenly half the deck started to slip out of my hand. I managed to catch it before the cards fell, but I ended up holding the deck awkwardly with my index finger between the two halves of the deck. Because of this, one of the cards in the half I'd almost dropped was exposed. Out of order, and face up instead of face down like I thought I'd stacked them. So there staring up at me is the Star card. The meaning of the Star card varies slightly depending on what interpretation you're reading, but all interpretations agree that there is nothing negative associated with this card. It's divination is of good things happening, dreams coming true, help towards a goal. It's one of the most spiritual and beautiful cards in any deck. In the deck I have, the interpretation is very focused on achievement of goals and dreams, of things happening the way you want them to, though not necessarily immediately.

Needless to say, the incident excited me.

Mommy has some non-traditional beliefs, Imp. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to raise you Catholic, the way I was. I don't go to church much anymore, I but I really think my early exposure to the church gave me a strong moral foundation that has served me well over the years. I just also believe in other, older traditions and spiritual paths, and will let you choose your own as my mother let me. But I do believe that there are ways to connect with the energy of the universe, and that that energy can tell us things. So, Imp, I hope this energy is telling me that your going to be with me soon. I really hope you come to me this time, in no small aprt because the timing of your birth would be FANTASTIC if you started to grow inside me this month. I could have a long time home with you after you're born. But, I really feel that at least now I know that you'll be with me no matter what...so if you can't come this time, that'll be all right.

I just really hope you come this time :)

If nothing else, I don't wanna risk scratching my ladybits with the syringe the way I did that first time the other night. Hurt like no one's business when I peed for two days after (though everything's fine now).

Jul 24, 2008

Well, at least I know the Imp will have my sense of humor...

Heyas,

Okay, Imp, it's time to stop messing with Mommy's head.  She's moving to another house, packing for a trip to another continent, and trying to get her classroom together for the school year.  So far...not too stressful at all, and honestly, she's pretty sure that if she was getting ovulation at the height of the school year, those stressors aren't going to stop her now.  

But sweetie, playing Peek-A-Boo with Mommy's OPK's is not cool, all right?  

Soooooo frustrated.  

I know, I know, it's all part of TTC...and I really should have expected something like this.  But magically appearing and disappearing lines on the OPK?  Really?  Seriously?  You're going to do this to me, Universe?  

I got an almost-really-almost-tilt-your-head-and-squint-'cause-maybe-it-is positive OPK today.  I'm...leery, but thinking it might have been a positive and my body is just screwing with the OPK strips.  I've had cramping for two days now, got lots of clear/white stretchy mucus, and a bit of that sixth sense intuition is pricking at the back of my neck.  

And frankly, if I had a boyfriend, I'd have mauled him a few times by now...the buzzy friends have been getting a real workout.  

TMI?  

*grins wickedly*

Let's see, 24 hours or so past the LH surge, that would put me ovulating midway through CD18.  Early.  But not impossible, considering that the last couple of cycles were a little screwy (I blame massive amounts of stress).  What to do, what to do, what to do...

I have three vials of Frozen Boy.  I'm really considering doing an insem tonight.  If nothing else, I can see what it's like and get any major screwups out of the way.  

Yes, I'm aware that's basically a 200 dollar experiment.

Eh, Uncle Sam picked up the tab for the frozen manjuice.

What?  I bought something!  I totally stimulated the economy with that check!

You're not going to make this easy for me, are you Imp?  I guess I can deal with that.  I like a certain amount of moxie in a kid.  

But really...stop messing with Mommy's OPK's. 


Jul 23, 2008

Deep breaths, Elf, deep breaths

I have a 32 to 33 day cycle.

I ovulate on CD 20...sometimes CD 21.

I do NOT ovulate on CD 16.

I have NEVER ovulated before CD 19.

Murphy's Law being a bitch is NOT grounds to assume this will change just for this cycle.

Cervical mucus that is sticky, damp, and cloudy/yellowish is the stuff you get BEFORE the good stuff.

Every month.

If you jump the gun on this, you will be kicking yourself for months.

I know this. I know this. I know this.

I am NOT going to have a nervous breakdown this close to the finish line.

That is all.

I Wonder If Couples Drive Themselves This Crazy...

Heyas,

So, I'm sitting in my half-packed apartment right now, idly surfing the 'net and pretending that my gaze isn't really riveted on the windows facing the street, where Mr. FedEx man is due to pull up today and bring me the Imp's Pop-sicle.

Heh, get it? Popsicle?

Anyway, so I'm sitting here, and just reflecting on everything that's brought me to this chapter in my life...the precipice, the point of no return. All the agonizing, the decision-making, the soul searching...that little flutter of anticipation, the irresistable tug of the smile that breaks out every time I touch something I've bought for the Imp. The late-night fears and doubts that creep in and set my heart hammering; the stab of emotion when I imagine holding the Imp in my arms--it all comes down to this. The first (and last, okay Imp?) attempt to bring my baby into this world. This time next month, I could be going to a doctor's appointment to hear the Imp's heartbeat for the first time. It's amazing to me.

All the things I've done, and thought, and felt over the past year, all coming to a head. I'm going to look back on this someday and laugh myself silly, I know I am. All the hyper-awareness of every twinge, cramp, and temperature shift. Contemplating the contents of a toilet tissue as though the secrets of the universe will be revealed if only I can decide if that is egg-white, or just watery mucus. Frantically crossing my legs in an attempt to hold off the bathroom break for one more half hour 'cause I get my clearest hormone readings after eleven in the morning. Trying not to get ahead of myself, knowing I'm setting myself up for disappointment, but somehow unable to stop the most optimistic hopes from forming. Ridiculously sitcom-like adventures in WalMart.

And that's not even counting the sheer amount of introspection, meditation, and assessment that has gone into even beginning to attempt this. I know I haven't had the heartache and frustration that I know many people have gone through on this path...but though my roads may have been different, in many ways they've been just as rough. Doing this as a single woman was a harder decision than any I've ever had to make, however flippant I may be about the lack of a Mr. Elf.

And now that I'm finally, FINALLY, hitting the last phase of this experience (however long it takes me to get to actual motherhood), it's just incredible to contemplate how far I've come and how much farther I have to go.

You're worth it to me, though, Imp. Worth all this and a thousand times more. I'm waiting for you with open arms and all the love in my heart.

Here.

We.

Go.

Jul 21, 2008

I think they heard me three states away....

Heyas,

All right...for those of you who are about to be grossed out and horrified and thinking "my God, she wants to have a CHILD?!" --let me preface this by saying that nothing of this sort has ever happened to me before and will never happen again. Just bad luck, really.

But oh God, I'm on my third bottle of bleach and it still doesn't feel clean!

Got your interest, don't I?

So...I live a couple states over from most of my family, and during the summers I go home to teach at a local university, and see everyone for a few weeks. Fun, right? Okay, thing is, I'm about the most unorganized person on the face of the planet...like serious "Absent Minded Professor" territory. It's a bit of a handicap, but I can usually function. Just...some details get lost, okay?

Any road, so I was really proud of myself as I was packing this year. I remembered my cell phone charger, and my dress shoes for my teaching job, and a few bills I needed to mail before I left. Except one.

The electric bill.

Anyone guessed where I'm going with this yet?

So, I had to head back to my apartment yesterday, and don't get in until around midnight (fuckin' traffic). I haul all my crap up the ridiculously steep stairs that lead to my apartment, wrestle the door open, and hit the switch to turn on my hall light....

And nothing happens.

Oh. Shit.

So, yeah, long story short, my electricity's been turned off.

In ninety-degree weather.

For a freakin' MONTH.

And the cherry on this sundae of stupid-forgetful-dumbassery on my part?

I didn't clear out my freezer before I left...or the 'fridge, except for the immediate perishables.

But you know what? Even not-so-immediate perishables perish in a warm 'fridge.

So, after a ridiculously hot and sweaty night (and not in the fun way) spent in my apartment because I refuse to shell out eighty bucks for a hotel room; and even though I had a pretty good idea of what I'd find, I opened said appliance this morning...

And screamed. Bloody. Murder.

I have NEVER smelled anything so foul in my life...rancid butter, molded Hoisin sauce, sour salad dressing...and sweet baby Jesus, the freezer...oh God, the freezer.

Rotted meat, rotted frozen vegetables, rotted fish...

And maggots.

Maggots. In MY house.

I don't even know how they got into the freezer. But holy crap, it was gross.

Needless to say, I've been frantically scrubbing the kitchen down for hours, now. Full-on hazmat gear...gloves, towel wrapped around the face, mountains of garbage bags. I've gone through two bottles of Clorox Cleanup and am working on the third...and I'm still not sure I'll be able to bring myself to put anything back in that 'fridge. *shudders*

Moral of the story...if you have a lot of things that need doing, and a lot on your mind...make a freakin' list!

Imp, honey, I promise...Mommy is NOT a dirty, disgusting slob. This is a TOTAL aberration.

Jul 12, 2008

How Sick Am I That I Thought This Was Hilarious....

Heyas,

So...went out with my sister, C, and her boyfriend/fiance (they're planning the wedding, just waiting for him to officially pop the question) to see Hellboy II, tonight. The movie? MADE of awesome, if anyone is asking. Much, much more fantasy-based than sci-fi/horror like the last one, but the effects were awesome, I love Ron Perlman (heh, I watched him in Beauty and the Beast when I was, like, five), and Hellboy and Liz have the sweetest relationship (won't put any spoilers for those who want to and haven't seen it yet).

Any road, we see the movie and afterwards, we decide to bring home pizza for dinner for my mom and her husband (yeah, messy divorce, both parents remarried, not fun). Conveniently, the pizza place is right next to the theater, so I go in, place the order, but the AC in the building seems to be out and it's FREAKIN' hot here right now, so this Elf, C, and A head two doors down to the little strip mall next to the pizza place with the intention of hitting the dollar store.

And we pass a sex shop on the way.

Now, c'mon people...sex shop, dollar store, sex shop, dollar store...which is going to be the more amusing place to spend twenty minutes?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So, we go into the sex shop, drop our driver's licenses into the little basket at the checkout counter, wave hello to the ADORABLE baby in the pack n' play behind the counter where his mother (I guess) is working, pause a moment to appreciate just how difficult his future kindergarten teacher's job is going to be, and then peruse the wares.

And you know what we find?

Not just the usual array of bondage gear, tasteless gag gifts, vibes and dildos swollen to truly excruiating-looking proportions, and a rainbow of anal beads...no, we find "Tighten 'er" cream, guaranteed to make your vagina so tight, your partner will think you're a virgin! Right next to the "Anal-ease," enabling you to do it doggie-style in slippery soft comfort.

But that wasn't the best part. Oh no, not by a longshot.

In the back of the store, I found the most hilarious thing ever...the thing that literally had me whipping out my cellphone (alas, no camera, sorry) to call everyone on my call list just to share the absurdity!

I found a set of baby bottles. Real, plastic, baby bottles, with measurement markings, drop-in liners, everything.

With nipples that were shaped like anatomically correct penises.

Imp, I'm sorry, Mommy almost bought you one. It was too funny! Fortunately, I guess, Aunt C vetoed the idea. The conversation went something like this:

Elf: Dude! Scale of one to ten, how screwed up would my kid be if I bought this?

C: Uh, A LOT!

Elf: Oh, c'mon, it'd be hilarious!

C: Dude, no! I forbid you.

Elf: *pouts*

Yes, Imp, Mommy and her sisters address each other as "Dude" all the time. It doesn't matter that we're all girls. It's the standard greeting/identifier. You will understand someday.

So, I walked out of the sex shop without a penis bottle.

And my world was a little darker for it.

Other than that, not a whole lot going on. The car's ignition switch did indeed give up the ghost and I had to have it towed to my mechanic friend. Fortunately, AAA covered the towing fee so I didn't owe anything on that, and the repair is only going to be about 90 bucks. All in all, could've been much worse. I'm stuck driving my sister's car until I can get mine back (should be Wednesday or Thursday I guess), and her brakes suck, so I guess I gotta confine my driving as much as possible.

Heading back to NC on the 21st or 22nd, to get ready for Africa. Heh, get this...I will be returning with ten days to spare before I leave. In those ten days, I will be getting my classroom ready for the coming school year, inseminating, and moving in with my friend D. How's THAT for lots going on?

Shouldn't be too bad, though. Former Marine brat, here, so I've been moving every three years as long as I can remember. Consequently, that whole "moving is the most stressful thing you can do!" schtick has never made much sense to me...doesn't bother me much, and I've gotten to where I can literally break my whole house down and get it packed inside of two days. Plus which, I'm getting rid of most of my furniture (it was all "curbside discount, if you know what I'm sayin') besides the bed and the dresser, and D doesn't live too far away...easy as pie. ;)

Hear that Imp? D will officially have our backs the whole time I'm pregnant with you...so really, there's no reason to wait to come.

Jul 10, 2008

Oh, come ON, now you're just picking on me!!!!

Heyas,

There exists, somewhere in time and space, a man named Murphy. A rather jolly fellow, clever and wise in the ways of the universe and just how things work...one might even say the laws of the universe. I would like to find Mr. Murphy, walk with him a while, talk with him a while.

Then I would like to kick him in the balls.

So, I've got a job this summer at a local school...pretty decent money for pretty easy work, and I really enjoy the kids I work with. Ordinarily, I just put what I earn in the summers onto my credit card bills and save a few hundred out to just spoil myself with before I head back to the grindstone of a new school year. Only this time, I was gonna save my few hundred out and spend about half of it on my swimmers and the other half on a nice dinner out with my family, and maybe a swing for the Imp, 'cause I love shopping for the Imp, even if he/she isn't here yet.

And so, I leave my job today, go out to my car, shove the key in the ignition and...nothing. The key will not even freakin' turn. Now, the ignition switch in my car has always been a little finicky. It's probably needed replacing for about a year and a half now, but I've always been able to cajole it into working for me. Not this time. No, no amount of jiggling steering wheel, switching out the key, smacking, bouncing or other movement will get that key to turn. I even tried my grandpa's tried and true method of getting something to work: I pounded the dashboard with my fist and screamed: "C'mon, you son of a bitch!"

Didn't make the key work, but I felt better. Maybe THAT'S why Grandpa does it so much.

Any road, I'm not upset about getting the ignition switch replaced. It needs to be done, and my family has a mechanic friend we take all our problems to, and he gives us a really good deal...the entire bill for fixing the problem is going to be a hundred, a hundred and twenty five bucks, tops. Noooo, what pisses me off is my car couldn't wait 'til I was, oh, CLOSER to said mechanic friend to give up the ghost? Seriously...TOWING the car to this place is going to be the big expense. We have AAA, but it's a good half hour haul from where I am to where I need to be. Stupid, out of the way, rural towns.

I can afford it right now, but holy crap...seems like every time I get even a little bit ahead financially, something happens to suck it all right up. I'm never seriously DOWN money, but my expenses literally seem to grow and shrink depending on how much extra cash I have on hand. Very, very frustrating.

I'm going to try one more time today to get my car started...I'm hoping that if I let it sit for a while, maybe wait 'til it cools off here and the metal contracts a bit, whatever is out of joint will slip back into place long enough for me to drive the car to where it needs to be myself. I'd surely appreciate any crossed fingers/good vibes. *sigh*

Stupid car.

Jul 8, 2008

Like Choosing Between a Root Canal and a Colonoscopy

Hello,

So, as you may have noticed from the counter adorning the top right hand corner of your screen...I'm something of a liberal. Registered Democrat since the age of eighteen, veteran of protests, voter registration, etc, etc. I was really stoked this year when Clinton ran (I mean, hey, whatever your opinion of the Clintons as human beings, they know how to govern). And then I got less stoked.

Now let me say, this has nothing to do with race or gender. It's about damn time we had a woman or a person of color (or both!) in the White House. I'm just really, really not sure about Obama. I expect a certain amount of smoke and mirrors, flash-in-the-pan rhetoric...it's just part of the game. I find it extremely worrying, though, that this appears to be ALL Obama offers. Seriously...the man rarely, if ever, provides an actual *answer* to a question. Is he charismatic? Yes. Is he an excellent speaker? Hell, yes.

I just have serious reservations about voting for the man to be the leader of the free world. Just...doesn't seem to be a great deal of practical experience here. And I'd be okay with that if he seemed to make up for it in ability...but no, that seems to be kind of lacking, too.

On the other hand...McCain, though admittedly one of the few Republicans I'd actually seriously consider voting for, is surrounding himself with people that scare me, quite frankly. A McCain administration might have been an okay thing ten years ago...but now I fear we'd just get ANOTHER four years of the mess that the current administration has created. I don't like his stance on women's reproductive rights, gay rights, or the war in Iraq (though I like his stances on the environment and global warming).

Politics is always about choosing the person you think will screw up the country the least (or at least screw it up in ways you can deal with!), but this is worse than usual.

Sometimes I wish I lived in Canada.

In other news, yay, back on schedule for the Imp. Cramping like a motherfucker, but I have never been so happy to see red. I actually did a little victory dance in the bathroom stall this morning, pumped my fist in the air and went: "Yesssssss!" like I was still in freakin' middle school. I shudder to think what the person in the stall next to me thought I was doing.

Oh well.

So, the way this cycle is shaping up, it's looking like I'll be ordering the swim team to arrive on the 22nd, squirting them up the ladybits on the 27th, 28th, and 29th, boarding a plane for Africa on the 31st, and testing my second weekend in Africa. I'm seriously considering devoting some of my suitcase space to a box of Top Ramen packages and peanut butter and just make my own food over there...I really don't want to catch a stomach bug in Africa and get all excited thinking it's morning sickness. Or get morning sickness and have it mask something more serious picked up from the food and water.

I'm also kind of considering telling my program director that I have OCD so they won't be offended if I do weird stuff like skip the provided meals in favor of said Top Ramen.

I haven't decided just how strange this makes me.

Seriously, Imp, do you have any idea how cool Mommy's pregnancy announcement idea would be? Our family would FLIP...it'd be soooo hilarious, and I promise to take pictures of their faces. You will appreciate the entertainment value of this once you meet everyone...particularly your great-uncles, J and A. Oooooh, Imp, PLEASE come first try...you have NO idea how much I want to get Uncle J's goat like that.

Hell, PLEASE come first try 'cause I can't wait to hold you.

Jul 6, 2008

Going Ever So Slightly Insane

And that's a pretty short trip to begin with.

So July is here. Officially here. And you know who's officially three days off schedule? Yeah. The Crimson Fairy.

Bitch.

TMI alert, here, loves...you might wanna skip down a paragraph or two.

But seriously! I'm cramping like no one's business, my breasts are so sore that seatbelts are excrutiating if I don't sit it across my chest just right (and don't get me started on the bras...God, I wish I was small enough to go without) and I'm tired and irritable, and I JUST CAN'T BLEED!!!!

*whimper*

And okay, intellectually, I know that the human hormone system is more delicate than one might think. Excitement and stress of actually going for the Imp this month might have thrown me out of whack, I really want everything to go smooth, so Murphy's Law is probably laughing its ass off at me right now, and we've had some lovely family issues going on recently (seriously, it's a sad thing when you realize that you and your 25 year old sister are more mature and reasonable than all of your aunts and uncles...and let me say, money and property do very sad things to people.) and I KNOW that the schedule doesn't matter as long as I ovulate.

This might even work out well...as I'm now due to ovulate, like, three days before I leave for Africa...which would mean plenty of distraction during the TWW, and less time being pregnant in a foreign country when it takes. :) Did you notice the positive thinking there? Also, if it doesn't take, I'll have plenty to distract me and actually might be ovulating late enough in August that I'll be able to try again instead of waiting 'til September.

But it doesn't stop me from wanting to bang my head against a wall. Repeatedly.

Had a lovely Fourth, at least. Went out with my sisters, father, and uncle to see BOC (Blue Oyster Cult, for the uninitiated...they of "Don't Fear the Reaper" fame) and it freakin' ROCKED. Then stayed for the fireworks display in Columbus, which was even more awesome. All in all, a most successful evening.

But I think Food Network has spoiled me. How, you ask?

Well, we went out to Bd's for dinner...which is a great Mongolian Barbecue chain. Pretty awesome food. Any road, we got through our meal and then my sisters and I decided to splurge and get dessert. My sister's order this incredible looking caramel apple sundae, but I'm honestly not that fond of cooked fruit. So me? I go for the ice cream cookie sandwich.

And you know what they bring me?

A freakin' 99 cent ice cream cookie sandwich, still rock hard right out of the freezer and still in a freakin' plastic pouch!

Seriously...no chocolate sauce drizzle? No whipped cream? THAT'S the best you can do?

Maybe a bit elitist of me, but I sent it back. I mean, yeesh, I could have gotten THAT at a gas station. Not restaurant quality.

Yeah. Spoiled.