How Sick Am I That I Thought This Was Hilarious....

Heyas,

So...went out with my sister, C, and her boyfriend/fiance (they're planning the wedding, just waiting for him to officially pop the question) to see Hellboy II, tonight. The movie? MADE of awesome, if anyone is asking. Much, much more fantasy-based than sci-fi/horror like the last one, but the effects were awesome, I love Ron Perlman (heh, I watched him in Beauty and the Beast when I was, like, five), and Hellboy and Liz have the sweetest relationship (won't put any spoilers for those who want to and haven't seen it yet).

Any road, we see the movie and afterwards, we decide to bring home pizza for dinner for my mom and her husband (yeah, messy divorce, both parents remarried, not fun). Conveniently, the pizza place is right next to the theater, so I go in, place the order, but the AC in the building seems to be out and it's FREAKIN' hot here right now, so this Elf, C, and A head two doors down to the little strip mall next to the pizza place with the intention of hitting the dollar store.

And we pass a sex shop on the way.

Now, c'mon people...sex shop, dollar store, sex shop, dollar store...which is going to be the more amusing place to spend twenty minutes?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So, we go into the sex shop, drop our driver's licenses into the little basket at the checkout counter, wave hello to the ADORABLE baby in the pack n' play behind the counter where his mother (I guess) is working, pause a moment to appreciate just how difficult his future kindergarten teacher's job is going to be, and then peruse the wares.

And you know what we find?

Not just the usual array of bondage gear, tasteless gag gifts, vibes and dildos swollen to truly excruiating-looking proportions, and a rainbow of anal beads...no, we find "Tighten 'er" cream, guaranteed to make your vagina so tight, your partner will think you're a virgin! Right next to the "Anal-ease," enabling you to do it doggie-style in slippery soft comfort.

But that wasn't the best part. Oh no, not by a longshot.

In the back of the store, I found the most hilarious thing ever...the thing that literally had me whipping out my cellphone (alas, no camera, sorry) to call everyone on my call list just to share the absurdity!

I found a set of baby bottles. Real, plastic, baby bottles, with measurement markings, drop-in liners, everything.

With nipples that were shaped like anatomically correct penises.

Imp, I'm sorry, Mommy almost bought you one. It was too funny! Fortunately, I guess, Aunt C vetoed the idea. The conversation went something like this:

Elf: Dude! Scale of one to ten, how screwed up would my kid be if I bought this?

C: Uh, A LOT!

Elf: Oh, c'mon, it'd be hilarious!

C: Dude, no! I forbid you.

Elf: *pouts*

Yes, Imp, Mommy and her sisters address each other as "Dude" all the time. It doesn't matter that we're all girls. It's the standard greeting/identifier. You will understand someday.

So, I walked out of the sex shop without a penis bottle.

And my world was a little darker for it.

Other than that, not a whole lot going on. The car's ignition switch did indeed give up the ghost and I had to have it towed to my mechanic friend. Fortunately, AAA covered the towing fee so I didn't owe anything on that, and the repair is only going to be about 90 bucks. All in all, could've been much worse. I'm stuck driving my sister's car until I can get mine back (should be Wednesday or Thursday I guess), and her brakes suck, so I guess I gotta confine my driving as much as possible.

Heading back to NC on the 21st or 22nd, to get ready for Africa. Heh, get this...I will be returning with ten days to spare before I leave. In those ten days, I will be getting my classroom ready for the coming school year, inseminating, and moving in with my friend D. How's THAT for lots going on?

Shouldn't be too bad, though. Former Marine brat, here, so I've been moving every three years as long as I can remember. Consequently, that whole "moving is the most stressful thing you can do!" schtick has never made much sense to me...doesn't bother me much, and I've gotten to where I can literally break my whole house down and get it packed inside of two days. Plus which, I'm getting rid of most of my furniture (it was all "curbside discount, if you know what I'm sayin') besides the bed and the dresser, and D doesn't live too far away...easy as pie. ;)

Hear that Imp? D will officially have our backs the whole time I'm pregnant with you...so really, there's no reason to wait to come.