Heyas,
So, I am officially on Christmas break. And all I can say is: Thank. The. Universe. Two whole weeks just to decompress and plan and get my energy and creativity back so I can go in and wow my kids for the looooooong stretch of time before we get another break. I'm excited.
I'm also exhausted. Why? Oh, because the other day this Elf took a field trip with seven of her kids.
A field trip FROM HELL!!!!!
*insert thunderclap and lightning flash*
No lie. Let's just recap, shall we? It started off innocently enough. My kids had a school function run by the umbrella company that runs the charter school I teach at. The function happened to be in a city three hours away, but I wasn't sweating that. I had seven kids to take care of (which, compared to what I normall have in a day is, like, nothing). I thought it would be a good time for all.
I need to learn to stop thinking things like that.
The first blow landed when I was informed that I would have to drive the kids to the event myself, in our tech coordinator's minivan. Not that I felt we should have had a bus or anything for seven kids...but I'm a little leery of the potential legal issues in transporting children in a personal vehicle. I have a several students that I regularly give rides home to--but those are kids whose parents I have a relationship with. Several of the kids I was driving, I've never even met their parents.
Then, I find out I get to pay for gas myself. I'm getting reimbursed...but the immediate expense was not something I'd planned on (I ended up spending, like, a hundred dollars on gas!) Again, not such a big deal if I had been told of it earlier. But whatever.
The actual drive itself was pleasant...the kids were hilarious and we had a really good time. Theeeeeeen, we get to the event. We ran a little late because of traffic and ended up with only about ten minutes to find the building, park, and get the kids inside for registration. And of course, the street is under construction. And it's one of those towns with a metric crap-ton of one-way streets and side streets and crap. I ended up having to do some weird hexogonal maneuver through two blocks to get us to the entrance that it told us to go to on our info packet.
Only to be told that the event was moved because of the construction and I have to go back and do the hexogonal maneuver through two blocks of traffic again to get back to a parking garage we passed when we first got off the highway.
No problem.
So we go, we get registered (barely), the event goes fine and we're only about twenty minutes behind schedule for the drive back, so I promise the kids we can go to a pizza buffet for dinner (for some of them, this was a REAL treat).
And we get back to the van, I pile them in, turn the key...and nothing happens.
Yes, this Elf apparently left the lights on and the battery is now dead. Wonderful. Fortunately, the campus security where we were had a "jumpstart" service, and we only had to wait about twenty minutes for someone to come and get us started again.
Which would have been fine, except that twenty minutes put us smack-dab in the middle of rush-hour traffic. I get back on the highway to gridlock, and only realize when it was too late that we're two lanes over from a left exit we needed to go back home. I'm not about to execute a Hail-Mary merge in a minivan with children in the back (at least ones I'm not related to), so I get off on the next exit and blunder my way through yet another hexogonal maneuver through two blocks to get back onto the highway heading back to our exit.
Things go pretty smoothly from there, and I dare to think that the worst is over. We're running about an hour late, now, but I DID promise the kids pizza buffet, so I call up all the parents and let them know that we'll be about an hour and a half late for pickup. And since I'm feeding the kids, the parents are really cool about it, and give the okay.
And the pizza buffet was fun. Really fun. A good time was had by all, and the food was pretty decent, and we actually got out earlier than I was anticipating.
So, naturally, as we are finally getting on the highway to head home, I hear from the backseat:
"Uh, Ms. E? Can you pull over?"
And I'm all, "No, I told you guys to go to the bathroom before we left! We don't have time for more pit stops, guys."
And then I hear:
"But Ms. E...I kinda pooped myself."
*sigh*
Yeah. Two of my boys were engaging in the wonderful adolescent tradition known as a "farting contest" in the back of the van and one of them put a *little* too much effort into it and "sharted".
Those of you who don't know what a "shart" is...you have no idea how lucky you are.
So I pull off a random exit and we get into one of those areas that has, like, fifty hotels, but no gas stations, and have to drive around until I finally see a Subway. Pull in there and then loiter about inside with a Coke while my kids gleefully buy cookies and our culprit cleans himself up. Lose another half hour.
At this point it's eight o' clock, it's still a two hour drive home, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get yelled at by some parents.
So, naturally...when we get back on the highway, I take the wrong exit, going east instead of west, and do not realize it until we've gone almost thirty miles in the wrong direction.
*sigh*
I turn around, get us back on track, but by that time we're so far behind schedule it's not even funny.
We FINALLY get back to the school at ten o' clock at night (and at that point, I was pretty sure I was gonna get punched in the throat by some parents)...but as I foolishly volunteered to drive four students all the way home (a lot of parents at our school work night shifts or multiple jobs), I literally did not get through my door until midnight.
On the upside...all the kids took time to come and tell me the next day that they had a GREAT time, even with all the problems.
And the parents were really understanding about me getting lost and no one punched me in the throat.
I consider any day I don't get punched in the throat a win.
But I still think I live in a National Lampoon movie.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: Christmas baking! Sugar cookies, date balls, raspberry-white chocolate torte! Woohoo!
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: Nothing, really. It's almost Christmas, and it's snowing! It's been almost three years since I saw a real, good, hard snow.
Pretty boy of the moment: Back to Michael Weatherly. Gah, that smile!
Dec 16, 2009
Staff Parties and Yes Another Life-Changing Decision
Heyas,
So...had our staff Christmas party this evening. I rather like staff Christmas parties...the food generally sucks, the presents are generic re-gifting of the various "World's Best Teacher" paraphenalia that every teacher has a closet full of by the end of their first year out of college (seriously, I counted once...I have, over seven years, acquired 31 coffee mugs, five mouse pads, and 18 random apple-shaped bric-a-brac.), and I think dealing with children day in and day out has a degenerative effect on our own maturity 'cause the games? Yeah, not even going there.
But...we all get together, and there's a minimum of the bitching about troublesome students that usually flows when two or more teachers congregate in the same place (I try not to bitch too much, but yeah, guilty), and I usually have a blast.
And teachers are incredibly amusing if there's copious amounts of alcohol involved. Really. Get a teacher drunk, sometime...we're hilarious!
Well, okay, the time our science teacher got plastered and groped our (female) principal's chest wasn't too funny.
No, I'm lying, it was frickin' hilarious...but only because that particular principal was a horrible administrator who made our jobs way, WAY harder than they had to be, and her expression was priceless.
Tertiary to, well, everything...I really enjoy watching Jay Ellis on Food Network Challenge. His sugar art is gorgeous, his cake designs are elegant and beautiful, he's a good looking man, and he gets this intense, focused look when he's working like if you disturb him, he will turn around and CUT a bitch and then use your blood to tint his frosting.
Ahem.
And in other news, this Elf finds herself once again at an interesting cross-roads. Some days, I really think that my life is some kind of soap-opera that, like, aliens are watching or something. Any day now, I fully expect to run into my evil twin or get amnesia or something. Any road, I mentioned a couple months ago that my youngest sister lost her damn fool mind and got kicked out of college, then promptly lost her damn fool mind some more and just spiraled out of control. Lying, trying to set family members against each other to draw attention from her lies, leaving our parents holding the bag on some pretty hefty student loans...the works. Well...she enrolled in another school and the situation had seemed to be getting better--but we recently found out that 'seemed' is the operative word there. She's STILL lying about her attendance at school, her grades, pretty much everything. At this point, we're not entirely sure WHAT she's doing with her time, but it's not being a responsible adult. And now, she's dangerously close to outright fraud with her student loans, and my parents are going to be in some serious trouble if she doesn't straighten the hell out.
So...her lease on her current residence is up this summer. I'm considering moving to the city she lives in and moving in with her, and basically providing adult supervision on her schooling, grades, and extracurricular activities. I wish to God I wasn't referring to my 23 year old sister like some grade-school brat...but yeah, she really needs someone to stand over her shoulder and make sure she goes to class and does her homework, and my parents aren't able to do that long-distance. Our other sister lives in the same city...but she has an apartment with her fiance' and a really hectic job. Not that mine's not hectic...but at least I have reasonable work hours.
It wouldn't be much of an issue to get a job in the city. I recently achieved National Board Certification (for those of you not in education, it's basically the olympics of teaching...I am officially certified and recognized as being among the best teachers in the country). It's basically a piece of paper, but schools would snap me up in a heartbeat. I'd be making a crap-ton more money out of the charter-school system (not that a crap-ton is much, when you're talking about education)...and honestly, moving to the city where my sisters live is one of my long-term goal.
And I could take care of my sister.
Here's the flip side...I'm honestly not sure how that move would affect my plans for the Imp. I guess I could go ahead this summer...but I'm not sure it would be the best idea to go to a new school and immediately turn up pregnant. I don't know that a living situation with a very unstable young woman (and at this point, no, I'm not sure that there isn't something mentally wrong with my sister) is anything I have a right to bring a baby into. I floated the idea by my sister, and she seemed interested...but that's mostly because I don't think she realized that I would be stepping into a supervisory role. She needs it...she's obviously proven that she's not ready to live life on her own, but she doesn't accept that fact and I know such a situation has the potential to go really toxic, really fast.
Much as I hate to admit it, my cooler, more logical side says that such a move would mean putting the Imp off for ANOTHER year. and I know that three years is nothing compared to what some women go through waiting for their babies...but dear God, I don't want to wait. It about killed me putting off my TTC plans last school year.
And then I feel bad and selfish for thinking that way when my sister, who is a person I love who's actually here and not just a hypothetical being, could use my help and support. I feel like it should be a clear-cut choice...but I don't know if that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. And then I start thinking that if I'm hesitating to make a sacrifice for my sister, what the hell kind of mother am I going to be? And so on, and so forth...
And okay, I also recognize that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and need help and my sister hasn't done that...but it's not just her that's gonna go down. She really has the potential here to RUIN my parents financially. It's that bad.
I just really don't know what to do here.
So...had our staff Christmas party this evening. I rather like staff Christmas parties...the food generally sucks, the presents are generic re-gifting of the various "World's Best Teacher" paraphenalia that every teacher has a closet full of by the end of their first year out of college (seriously, I counted once...I have, over seven years, acquired 31 coffee mugs, five mouse pads, and 18 random apple-shaped bric-a-brac.), and I think dealing with children day in and day out has a degenerative effect on our own maturity 'cause the games? Yeah, not even going there.
But...we all get together, and there's a minimum of the bitching about troublesome students that usually flows when two or more teachers congregate in the same place (I try not to bitch too much, but yeah, guilty), and I usually have a blast.
And teachers are incredibly amusing if there's copious amounts of alcohol involved. Really. Get a teacher drunk, sometime...we're hilarious!
Well, okay, the time our science teacher got plastered and groped our (female) principal's chest wasn't too funny.
No, I'm lying, it was frickin' hilarious...but only because that particular principal was a horrible administrator who made our jobs way, WAY harder than they had to be, and her expression was priceless.
Tertiary to, well, everything...I really enjoy watching Jay Ellis on Food Network Challenge. His sugar art is gorgeous, his cake designs are elegant and beautiful, he's a good looking man, and he gets this intense, focused look when he's working like if you disturb him, he will turn around and CUT a bitch and then use your blood to tint his frosting.
Ahem.
And in other news, this Elf finds herself once again at an interesting cross-roads. Some days, I really think that my life is some kind of soap-opera that, like, aliens are watching or something. Any day now, I fully expect to run into my evil twin or get amnesia or something. Any road, I mentioned a couple months ago that my youngest sister lost her damn fool mind and got kicked out of college, then promptly lost her damn fool mind some more and just spiraled out of control. Lying, trying to set family members against each other to draw attention from her lies, leaving our parents holding the bag on some pretty hefty student loans...the works. Well...she enrolled in another school and the situation had seemed to be getting better--but we recently found out that 'seemed' is the operative word there. She's STILL lying about her attendance at school, her grades, pretty much everything. At this point, we're not entirely sure WHAT she's doing with her time, but it's not being a responsible adult. And now, she's dangerously close to outright fraud with her student loans, and my parents are going to be in some serious trouble if she doesn't straighten the hell out.
So...her lease on her current residence is up this summer. I'm considering moving to the city she lives in and moving in with her, and basically providing adult supervision on her schooling, grades, and extracurricular activities. I wish to God I wasn't referring to my 23 year old sister like some grade-school brat...but yeah, she really needs someone to stand over her shoulder and make sure she goes to class and does her homework, and my parents aren't able to do that long-distance. Our other sister lives in the same city...but she has an apartment with her fiance' and a really hectic job. Not that mine's not hectic...but at least I have reasonable work hours.
It wouldn't be much of an issue to get a job in the city. I recently achieved National Board Certification (for those of you not in education, it's basically the olympics of teaching...I am officially certified and recognized as being among the best teachers in the country). It's basically a piece of paper, but schools would snap me up in a heartbeat. I'd be making a crap-ton more money out of the charter-school system (not that a crap-ton is much, when you're talking about education)...and honestly, moving to the city where my sisters live is one of my long-term goal.
And I could take care of my sister.
Here's the flip side...I'm honestly not sure how that move would affect my plans for the Imp. I guess I could go ahead this summer...but I'm not sure it would be the best idea to go to a new school and immediately turn up pregnant. I don't know that a living situation with a very unstable young woman (and at this point, no, I'm not sure that there isn't something mentally wrong with my sister) is anything I have a right to bring a baby into. I floated the idea by my sister, and she seemed interested...but that's mostly because I don't think she realized that I would be stepping into a supervisory role. She needs it...she's obviously proven that she's not ready to live life on her own, but she doesn't accept that fact and I know such a situation has the potential to go really toxic, really fast.
Much as I hate to admit it, my cooler, more logical side says that such a move would mean putting the Imp off for ANOTHER year. and I know that three years is nothing compared to what some women go through waiting for their babies...but dear God, I don't want to wait. It about killed me putting off my TTC plans last school year.
And then I feel bad and selfish for thinking that way when my sister, who is a person I love who's actually here and not just a hypothetical being, could use my help and support. I feel like it should be a clear-cut choice...but I don't know if that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. And then I start thinking that if I'm hesitating to make a sacrifice for my sister, what the hell kind of mother am I going to be? And so on, and so forth...
And okay, I also recognize that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and need help and my sister hasn't done that...but it's not just her that's gonna go down. She really has the potential here to RUIN my parents financially. It's that bad.
I just really don't know what to do here.
Dec 13, 2009
Up Side? Obedience School Is Doing Something Right...
Down side? The "something right" is clear cut evidence of my impending crazy-pet-person-hood. If I'm not already there. I think it's a toss-up, really.
So, I went down to my mother's this weekend to decorate the Christmas tree with her and my sisters. And of course, I had to take my darling dog, Marley, with me. Along the way, we stopped at a PetsMart (PetSmart? God, I hate cute-sy wordplay business names) to get a bag of his dog food.
Yes, my baby is back on commercial dog food! I'm so excited. Marley's bum liver is a chronic condition that will be with him 'til the day he dies (unless I hit the lottery and therefore am able to pay the six or seven thousand dollars for the surgery that could correct the condition), BUT I found a new support list for people with dogs with the same issue and with their help was able to find an affordable commercial kibble that is safe for him to eat. I was ecstatic, as I'd really been worried about his nutritional needs being met with me cooking for him.
That, and spending fifty to sixty dollars a month just on fish for my dog was starting to get to be a problematic expense.
Any road, we go into PetSmart and as I'm wandering around the aisles, practicing Marley's heeling with him (he's an absolutely PERFECTLY behaved dog...just as long as there is no other living thing in sight besides him and me.) I see a banner proclaiming that Santa will be there in half an hour to take pictures with pets.
And this Elf got an idea.
This Elf got an awful idea.
This Elf got a terrible, awful, WONDERFUL idea.
So, yeah, we sat around in PetsMart (PetSmart?) for half an hour so that Marley could get his picture taken with Santa. And he did marvellously! Seriously, my boy was so good! Like, three sales associates came up and complimented me on how well my dog behaved. And I got a gorgeous picture of Marley with Santa, sitting next to the big guy just as prim and proper as you please.
Granted, I have become one of those people that takes professional family pictures of pets...but I'm okay with that. It's a really awesome picture. And Marley actually got up on the bench and sat! Still! And looked attentively at the camera (well, looked attentively at me while I stood behind the camera lady, frantically making his 'stay' signal and going "stay! Staaaaaayyyyy!" like a jackass...but it worked!). And didn't try to jump at any of the other dogs that were all lined up.
Though I got really pissed at this one customer who let his friggin' yappy poodle-lhasa apso-bichon-whatever (it was one of those little white dust-mop dogs) just come right up to Marley in line and didn't even try to hold his dog back. I don't mind a little friendly sniff, but this vicious little bugger was barking its head off and lunging at Marley and when the guy let it get up close it BIT MY DOG ON THE FACE. Marley's got a real gentle-giant complex going, and I am sincerely glad that he looks so intimidating, 'cause God help me if he ever has to actually defend me from everything (he lets my sister's mini-dachsaund boss him around). Marley was more surprised than hurt, but he backed up and absolutely plastered himself against my legs. And I'm all "Hey! Keep hold of your leash!"
And the guy had the gall to glare at ME, like I'd done something wrong.
Anyways, fun little outing, and Marley did excellently...another few weeks and I might actually have a dog that's fit to be out in public :)
Things this Elf is looking forward to: Christmas! Woohoo.
Things currently annoying her: stupid pet owners who don't realize that just 'cause your dog's little, doesn't mean you don't have to control it!
Pretty boy of the moment: Matt Bomer (are you watching White Collar? You should be!)
So, I went down to my mother's this weekend to decorate the Christmas tree with her and my sisters. And of course, I had to take my darling dog, Marley, with me. Along the way, we stopped at a PetsMart (PetSmart? God, I hate cute-sy wordplay business names) to get a bag of his dog food.
Yes, my baby is back on commercial dog food! I'm so excited. Marley's bum liver is a chronic condition that will be with him 'til the day he dies (unless I hit the lottery and therefore am able to pay the six or seven thousand dollars for the surgery that could correct the condition), BUT I found a new support list for people with dogs with the same issue and with their help was able to find an affordable commercial kibble that is safe for him to eat. I was ecstatic, as I'd really been worried about his nutritional needs being met with me cooking for him.
That, and spending fifty to sixty dollars a month just on fish for my dog was starting to get to be a problematic expense.
Any road, we go into PetSmart and as I'm wandering around the aisles, practicing Marley's heeling with him (he's an absolutely PERFECTLY behaved dog...just as long as there is no other living thing in sight besides him and me.) I see a banner proclaiming that Santa will be there in half an hour to take pictures with pets.
And this Elf got an idea.
This Elf got an awful idea.
This Elf got a terrible, awful, WONDERFUL idea.
So, yeah, we sat around in PetsMart (PetSmart?) for half an hour so that Marley could get his picture taken with Santa. And he did marvellously! Seriously, my boy was so good! Like, three sales associates came up and complimented me on how well my dog behaved. And I got a gorgeous picture of Marley with Santa, sitting next to the big guy just as prim and proper as you please.
Granted, I have become one of those people that takes professional family pictures of pets...but I'm okay with that. It's a really awesome picture. And Marley actually got up on the bench and sat! Still! And looked attentively at the camera (well, looked attentively at me while I stood behind the camera lady, frantically making his 'stay' signal and going "stay! Staaaaaayyyyy!" like a jackass...but it worked!). And didn't try to jump at any of the other dogs that were all lined up.
Though I got really pissed at this one customer who let his friggin' yappy poodle-lhasa apso-bichon-whatever (it was one of those little white dust-mop dogs) just come right up to Marley in line and didn't even try to hold his dog back. I don't mind a little friendly sniff, but this vicious little bugger was barking its head off and lunging at Marley and when the guy let it get up close it BIT MY DOG ON THE FACE. Marley's got a real gentle-giant complex going, and I am sincerely glad that he looks so intimidating, 'cause God help me if he ever has to actually defend me from everything (he lets my sister's mini-dachsaund boss him around). Marley was more surprised than hurt, but he backed up and absolutely plastered himself against my legs. And I'm all "Hey! Keep hold of your leash!"
And the guy had the gall to glare at ME, like I'd done something wrong.
Anyways, fun little outing, and Marley did excellently...another few weeks and I might actually have a dog that's fit to be out in public :)
Things this Elf is looking forward to: Christmas! Woohoo.
Things currently annoying her: stupid pet owners who don't realize that just 'cause your dog's little, doesn't mean you don't have to control it!
Pretty boy of the moment: Matt Bomer (are you watching White Collar? You should be!)
Oct 21, 2009
Why Mapquest Should Die in a Fire
Heyas,
So...obedience classes. Hehe, my little baby's all grown up and going to school! *sniff sniff*
Yes, I anthropomorphize my pets something awful. What of it?
I'll start off by saying that obedience class was pretty awesome. There were actually a couple dogs that were bigger than Marley (granted, one of them was a Mastiff--and let me tell you, an untrained Mastiff? Scary thing. Real talk.) and Marley did really well 'cause he already knew most of the basic commands we worked on. I think he'll do better at home...he's a very distractible dog and constantly interested in what's going on around him. But, he did good, and wasn't nearly as crazy as I thought he'd be.
Heh, although, he made us late back to the class after the break when he had to find juuuuuuust the right place to poop outside.
I just found it ironic that the dog that belonged to the teacher held up the class. Teacher humor, gotta love it.
The class looks like it's gonna be fun (even with the old couple that sat outside the ring we were in with their ridiculous little beribboned mini-poodle and glowered at me and Marley disapprovingly. Marley was one of only a few mutts there and I think they were doggie-snobs. Jerks.) so I'll consider it seventy bucks well spent.
However, getting there was an adventure.
I'm seriously thinking there's some kind of universal conspiracy against me. Truly! How can it be possible for someone to have luck THIS bad and not get struck by lightning or something?
HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING!!!! Okay Universe? That was not a suggestion.
Honestly, it's statistically unlikely that things like this should KEEP happening to one person...can't I get some weird luck in the form of a winning lottery ticket or something?
Any road...why Mapquest should die in a fire:
ahem
The place where the class is held is, like, ten miles from my apartment. Mapquest tells me it's a four step process. One exit onto a highway, one exit off of a highway, one left turn onto a road, one right turn onto a road, and the building is on the right.
Easy, right?
*laughs cynically*
So I get on and off the highway just fine...but I cannot for the life of me find the left turn. I drive alllllllll the way up the boulevard I'm supposed to turn off of (like, ten miles) until it deadends into a field that would be a perfect dumpsite for a body...turn around and go alllllllll the way up the other end of the boulevard I'm supposed to turn off of, to where it dead ends into a turnoff for a really scary-looking part of town.
Turn around and try the other end again, this time finding the WEST end of the road I need to be on (the dog club is on the EAST end) and follow it only to deadend into a waste-treatment plant next to a golf course.
And who's bright idea was THAT?
Turn around and somehow manage to end up back at the exit for the highway, though I'm not entirely certain how.
At this point it occurs to me to call the dog club and be all, "um, where are you people?" and spend about five minutes on the phone with a really nice old guy who was very worried that I was driving all alone, 'cause the club itself is in a decent neighborhood, but the roads leading to it really are not.
I assured him I had a full tank of gas and my Labra-Horse in the back seat...but evidently a woman driving by herself was a Very Bad Thing.
It doesn't offend me when old guys pull that stuff with me. they're usually so sweet about it, and genuinel distressed on my account. It's heartwarming.
ANYway...on, like, my third pass on the freakin' boulevard I finally find the turn off. And no lie, it just appeared. I'd swear in a court of law that it wasn't there the first two times I passed that section of road...but whatever. That's just how my life works.
So, the ten minute drive actually took closer to forty five minutes, but I got into the class okay, and Marley did well, and I had a good time...so all is good.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: I'm going to see Wicked in November! Wheeeeeee!
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: Mapquest. Bastards.
Pretty boy of the moment: Chris O'Donnell. Oh Robin, you've aged *well*. I can't decide if I like your show or not...but if you and LL Cool J keep dripping the sexual tension like that, I think I'll be a very happy camper.
So...obedience classes. Hehe, my little baby's all grown up and going to school! *sniff sniff*
Yes, I anthropomorphize my pets something awful. What of it?
I'll start off by saying that obedience class was pretty awesome. There were actually a couple dogs that were bigger than Marley (granted, one of them was a Mastiff--and let me tell you, an untrained Mastiff? Scary thing. Real talk.) and Marley did really well 'cause he already knew most of the basic commands we worked on. I think he'll do better at home...he's a very distractible dog and constantly interested in what's going on around him. But, he did good, and wasn't nearly as crazy as I thought he'd be.
Heh, although, he made us late back to the class after the break when he had to find juuuuuuust the right place to poop outside.
I just found it ironic that the dog that belonged to the teacher held up the class. Teacher humor, gotta love it.
The class looks like it's gonna be fun (even with the old couple that sat outside the ring we were in with their ridiculous little beribboned mini-poodle and glowered at me and Marley disapprovingly. Marley was one of only a few mutts there and I think they were doggie-snobs. Jerks.) so I'll consider it seventy bucks well spent.
However, getting there was an adventure.
I'm seriously thinking there's some kind of universal conspiracy against me. Truly! How can it be possible for someone to have luck THIS bad and not get struck by lightning or something?
HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING!!!! Okay Universe? That was not a suggestion.
Honestly, it's statistically unlikely that things like this should KEEP happening to one person...can't I get some weird luck in the form of a winning lottery ticket or something?
Any road...why Mapquest should die in a fire:
ahem
The place where the class is held is, like, ten miles from my apartment. Mapquest tells me it's a four step process. One exit onto a highway, one exit off of a highway, one left turn onto a road, one right turn onto a road, and the building is on the right.
Easy, right?
*laughs cynically*
So I get on and off the highway just fine...but I cannot for the life of me find the left turn. I drive alllllllll the way up the boulevard I'm supposed to turn off of (like, ten miles) until it deadends into a field that would be a perfect dumpsite for a body...turn around and go alllllllll the way up the other end of the boulevard I'm supposed to turn off of, to where it dead ends into a turnoff for a really scary-looking part of town.
Turn around and try the other end again, this time finding the WEST end of the road I need to be on (the dog club is on the EAST end) and follow it only to deadend into a waste-treatment plant next to a golf course.
And who's bright idea was THAT?
Turn around and somehow manage to end up back at the exit for the highway, though I'm not entirely certain how.
At this point it occurs to me to call the dog club and be all, "um, where are you people?" and spend about five minutes on the phone with a really nice old guy who was very worried that I was driving all alone, 'cause the club itself is in a decent neighborhood, but the roads leading to it really are not.
I assured him I had a full tank of gas and my Labra-Horse in the back seat...but evidently a woman driving by herself was a Very Bad Thing.
It doesn't offend me when old guys pull that stuff with me. they're usually so sweet about it, and genuinel distressed on my account. It's heartwarming.
ANYway...on, like, my third pass on the freakin' boulevard I finally find the turn off. And no lie, it just appeared. I'd swear in a court of law that it wasn't there the first two times I passed that section of road...but whatever. That's just how my life works.
So, the ten minute drive actually took closer to forty five minutes, but I got into the class okay, and Marley did well, and I had a good time...so all is good.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: I'm going to see Wicked in November! Wheeeeeee!
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: Mapquest. Bastards.
Pretty boy of the moment: Chris O'Donnell. Oh Robin, you've aged *well*. I can't decide if I like your show or not...but if you and LL Cool J keep dripping the sexual tension like that, I think I'll be a very happy camper.
Oct 18, 2009
Beside myself with WTF?
Heyas,
So...you know what I love? Those random moments in life where everything just freezes and you have to just go "WTF?"
Granted, I suppose it could be argued that my entire life is one long random moment of WTF? 'Cept then it would be neither random nor a moment.
Ahem.
Seriously, though, I think someday I'm going to write an entire book based solely on the incredible ridiculousness that seems to stalk me like a big...giant...stalking thing.
Hee, doncha love Blackadder? If you don't know what Blackadder is, high thee to youtube immediately and search. I personally like the Elizabethan era, but really all of them are brilliant examples of British humor. Rowan Atkinson is sublime.
Any road, yeah, so what is this random WTF moment currently grabbing my attention?
Well, fortunately, it's not nearly on the level of some of the other hijinx that this Elf has been through...more along the level of the latest 3 Doors Down video (seriously, the Geico cavemen? Wasn't the amusement factor of those guys gone, like, three years ago? Plus which, totally ruins the song for me...which is a shame, 'cause it's a pretty good song. But I digress. Though, this blog should be used to that by now.)
No, I'm sitting there watching Food Network, right? I love Food Network. Pretty much made of awesome...and it's convinced me that I can make seared scallops and absolutely have to have fresh ginger root on hand in my kitchen.
Also, I now tend to narrate my cooking like there's a camera crew in my kitchen.
One of these days I really am going to have to address this habit I have of talking to myself.
At any rate, so I'm watching Food Network, and Challenge comes on. Hee, I love Food Network Challenge...always amusing. And it being Halloween season, it's a pumpkin carving challenge. And I'm like, oooh, cool!
And then the host introduces..."some of the country's top pumpkin carvers"
And I'm all..."WTF?"
Seriously, how does one get to be a professional pumpkin carver, and by what criteria are the "top" carvers judged? Is there, like, a board of professional pumpkin carvers that hand out that honor?
Also, why did my high school counselor never mention that professional pumpkin carver was on the table?
So...you know what I love? Those random moments in life where everything just freezes and you have to just go "WTF?"
Granted, I suppose it could be argued that my entire life is one long random moment of WTF? 'Cept then it would be neither random nor a moment.
Ahem.
Seriously, though, I think someday I'm going to write an entire book based solely on the incredible ridiculousness that seems to stalk me like a big...giant...stalking thing.
Hee, doncha love Blackadder? If you don't know what Blackadder is, high thee to youtube immediately and search. I personally like the Elizabethan era, but really all of them are brilliant examples of British humor. Rowan Atkinson is sublime.
Any road, yeah, so what is this random WTF moment currently grabbing my attention?
Well, fortunately, it's not nearly on the level of some of the other hijinx that this Elf has been through...more along the level of the latest 3 Doors Down video (seriously, the Geico cavemen? Wasn't the amusement factor of those guys gone, like, three years ago? Plus which, totally ruins the song for me...which is a shame, 'cause it's a pretty good song. But I digress. Though, this blog should be used to that by now.)
No, I'm sitting there watching Food Network, right? I love Food Network. Pretty much made of awesome...and it's convinced me that I can make seared scallops and absolutely have to have fresh ginger root on hand in my kitchen.
Also, I now tend to narrate my cooking like there's a camera crew in my kitchen.
One of these days I really am going to have to address this habit I have of talking to myself.
At any rate, so I'm watching Food Network, and Challenge comes on. Hee, I love Food Network Challenge...always amusing. And it being Halloween season, it's a pumpkin carving challenge. And I'm like, oooh, cool!
And then the host introduces..."some of the country's top pumpkin carvers"
And I'm all..."WTF?"
Seriously, how does one get to be a professional pumpkin carver, and by what criteria are the "top" carvers judged? Is there, like, a board of professional pumpkin carvers that hand out that honor?
Also, why did my high school counselor never mention that professional pumpkin carver was on the table?
Oct 17, 2009
You know what I hate about diets?
It's not the not-eating thing.
It's not the fact that practically everything you love to eat is bad for you.
It's not even those damn little nitpicking portions and those stupid little cutesy 'guides'. What the hell do you mean, "a hockey puck of pasta"? Why should I trust that the "palm of [my] hand" is 3 oz of a piece of meat? Maybe I have small hands! Maybe I have large hands!
No, the thing that irritates me about dieting is the commercials. Not food commercials. Dieting commercials! Seriously, have you EVER seen anyone in a diet commercial who looked like they need to lose weight? With the noteable exceptions of Jenny Craig's spokesladies. Kirstie Alley? Totally needs to be on a diet...which is sort of a shame, 'cause she was a fox back in the day.
But elsewhere? The Nutrisystem chicks? Walking around in bikinis (and you know, honestly, I'd be happy looking like some of those girls' start pictures).
The Slim-Fast lady? The one that, like, round-house kicks the donut?
Like I'mma believe someone with a waist that small is suffering from a desperate need to lose weight.
Also, the expression on her face kind of scares me in that commercial...like she's about to bust out of my TV screen and cut me.
Ahem.
At any rate...you know I would place much more trust in products hawked by women who look like they actually need to use them. Granted, I've heard that Nutrisystem is really an excellent program...but I'm not paying frickin' $300 a month for food when I'm perfectly capable of cooking myself.
As you may have figured out, the gist of the moment is, this Elf is on a diet. Still in the "hating it, hating it, hating it!" phase, but it's a necessary evil. I've always been big, but these days I just feel unhealthy, and that's not okay. Also? Pregnancy + Obesity= nasty, nasty, unpleasant situation.
So, Imp, Mommy is eating her leafy greens and swearing off pizza, and all that jazz. You make it easier, as temptation for McDonald's fries can easily be dealt with when I consider how much healthier an environment you will be growing in if I do this now. Mommy and Daddy (heeee!) are going for you this summer, so that gives her a little under a year.
I'm not setting any particular weight loss goal...I just want to be healthier by the time it's time to try for the Imp again. So wish me luck, blog!
In other, completely unrelated news, I'm joining dog obedience classes this month. Remember my darling little puppy from the posts below? The one that was supposed to be a sweet, gentle, mid-sized dog perfect for apartment living?
Remember how NOTHING this Elf ever attempts goes even remotely according to plan?
Marley (yes, I ended up naming him Marley) is a darling, dear, amusing, wonderful dog. I adore him. He makes me laugh and provides me with great company.
And if the Imp ever wants a pony, all I'll have to do is buy a saddle for our dog.
No lie. This dog has got to be part horse.
At just over ten months, Marley's head is nearly level with my waist when he's standing on all fours. I'm not a particularly tall woman...but still. He barely has to stretch his neck to reach the kitchen counters, and even thought just looking at him you can tell he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, people cross the street when they see us coming up the sidewalk on his nightly walks. He's a BIG dog.
"Won't go over forty pounds" my ass.
He's also ridiculously rambunctious, hence the obedience classes. He's literally too big to leave untrained. I'm terrified that he's going to accidentally hurt someone someday (Marley's one of those Hello! Good to meet you! Are you my new best friend?! kind of dogs, and I'm having some issue with him jumping).
He's great practice for havinga toddler, though...into everything, demanding to be let out multiple times a night, and if he's awake, then he demands that I be awake as well.
Feeding him is also a frickin' alchemy experiment. Marley can't eat dog kibble, you see. when he was around four months out he started having horrible seizures. After some lengthy bloodwork, the vet diagnosed him with epilepsy and gave him a phenobarb 'scrip. Unfortunately, the seizures continued, and I was beginning to think he'd had brain damage or something, as his IQ just suddenly seemed to drop and his personality underwent a massive change (and not for the better). I was actually having to considerhaving him put down (the seizures were that bad) when we moved and I took him to a new vet.
And she promptly diagnosed him with a non-functioning liver. Yup, my poor baby's liver doesn't filter his blood properly, so when large amounts of protein are introduced to his system (protein like puppy food is largely comprised of) toxins build up in his system, 'causing neurological issues like rampant stupidty and seizures.
Long story short (er), Marley can't eat commercial food 'cause there's too much protein, so I cook for him. He's a mostly vegetarian dog, but he does get protein from fish.
Do you know how expensive it is to feed a seventy-five pound dog fish?
Yeah, funny thing...about ninety five percent of dogs that have this condition are in the toy breeds.
Nothing the easy way. Nothing.
Marley's worth it to me, though. He's a great companion And we're coming up on three months with no seizures (yay! Also, knock on wood), so I'm really pleased.
It'll be interesting to see how he reacts to other dogs in the obedience classes. I'm looking forward to it, actually...it looks like a lot of fun.
Other than that, not much going on. I wanted to thank Tammy for dropping by on my little corner of cyberspace, even after so long...her comments always make me feel better. Tammy, you and Mark have been in my thoughts so often this year...I haven't been commenting, but I've been following your public posts and you continue to be such an inspiration. If I can live my life with HALF the grace and light that you've brought to yours, I'll consider it a life well lived. I continually pray that the Universe will finally see fit to let you have your peanut.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: Christmas. Yup, Christmas. Bring on the snow!
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: see above rant on diet commercials
Pretty boy of the moment: Michael Weatherly. Seriously, how did I miss NCIS for seven seasons?! That show is MADE of awesome! And DiNozzo...gah, I could watch that man read the back of a cereal box for an hour every week!
It's not the fact that practically everything you love to eat is bad for you.
It's not even those damn little nitpicking portions and those stupid little cutesy 'guides'. What the hell do you mean, "a hockey puck of pasta"? Why should I trust that the "palm of [my] hand" is 3 oz of a piece of meat? Maybe I have small hands! Maybe I have large hands!
No, the thing that irritates me about dieting is the commercials. Not food commercials. Dieting commercials! Seriously, have you EVER seen anyone in a diet commercial who looked like they need to lose weight? With the noteable exceptions of Jenny Craig's spokesladies. Kirstie Alley? Totally needs to be on a diet...which is sort of a shame, 'cause she was a fox back in the day.
But elsewhere? The Nutrisystem chicks? Walking around in bikinis (and you know, honestly, I'd be happy looking like some of those girls' start pictures).
The Slim-Fast lady? The one that, like, round-house kicks the donut?
Like I'mma believe someone with a waist that small is suffering from a desperate need to lose weight.
Also, the expression on her face kind of scares me in that commercial...like she's about to bust out of my TV screen and cut me.
Ahem.
At any rate...you know I would place much more trust in products hawked by women who look like they actually need to use them. Granted, I've heard that Nutrisystem is really an excellent program...but I'm not paying frickin' $300 a month for food when I'm perfectly capable of cooking myself.
As you may have figured out, the gist of the moment is, this Elf is on a diet. Still in the "hating it, hating it, hating it!" phase, but it's a necessary evil. I've always been big, but these days I just feel unhealthy, and that's not okay. Also? Pregnancy + Obesity= nasty, nasty, unpleasant situation.
So, Imp, Mommy is eating her leafy greens and swearing off pizza, and all that jazz. You make it easier, as temptation for McDonald's fries can easily be dealt with when I consider how much healthier an environment you will be growing in if I do this now. Mommy and Daddy (heeee!) are going for you this summer, so that gives her a little under a year.
I'm not setting any particular weight loss goal...I just want to be healthier by the time it's time to try for the Imp again. So wish me luck, blog!
In other, completely unrelated news, I'm joining dog obedience classes this month. Remember my darling little puppy from the posts below? The one that was supposed to be a sweet, gentle, mid-sized dog perfect for apartment living?
Remember how NOTHING this Elf ever attempts goes even remotely according to plan?
Marley (yes, I ended up naming him Marley) is a darling, dear, amusing, wonderful dog. I adore him. He makes me laugh and provides me with great company.
And if the Imp ever wants a pony, all I'll have to do is buy a saddle for our dog.
No lie. This dog has got to be part horse.
At just over ten months, Marley's head is nearly level with my waist when he's standing on all fours. I'm not a particularly tall woman...but still. He barely has to stretch his neck to reach the kitchen counters, and even thought just looking at him you can tell he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, people cross the street when they see us coming up the sidewalk on his nightly walks. He's a BIG dog.
"Won't go over forty pounds" my ass.
He's also ridiculously rambunctious, hence the obedience classes. He's literally too big to leave untrained. I'm terrified that he's going to accidentally hurt someone someday (Marley's one of those Hello! Good to meet you! Are you my new best friend?! kind of dogs, and I'm having some issue with him jumping).
He's great practice for havinga toddler, though...into everything, demanding to be let out multiple times a night, and if he's awake, then he demands that I be awake as well.
Feeding him is also a frickin' alchemy experiment. Marley can't eat dog kibble, you see. when he was around four months out he started having horrible seizures. After some lengthy bloodwork, the vet diagnosed him with epilepsy and gave him a phenobarb 'scrip. Unfortunately, the seizures continued, and I was beginning to think he'd had brain damage or something, as his IQ just suddenly seemed to drop and his personality underwent a massive change (and not for the better). I was actually having to considerhaving him put down (the seizures were that bad) when we moved and I took him to a new vet.
And she promptly diagnosed him with a non-functioning liver. Yup, my poor baby's liver doesn't filter his blood properly, so when large amounts of protein are introduced to his system (protein like puppy food is largely comprised of) toxins build up in his system, 'causing neurological issues like rampant stupidty and seizures.
Long story short (er), Marley can't eat commercial food 'cause there's too much protein, so I cook for him. He's a mostly vegetarian dog, but he does get protein from fish.
Do you know how expensive it is to feed a seventy-five pound dog fish?
Yeah, funny thing...about ninety five percent of dogs that have this condition are in the toy breeds.
Nothing the easy way. Nothing.
Marley's worth it to me, though. He's a great companion And we're coming up on three months with no seizures (yay! Also, knock on wood), so I'm really pleased.
It'll be interesting to see how he reacts to other dogs in the obedience classes. I'm looking forward to it, actually...it looks like a lot of fun.
Other than that, not much going on. I wanted to thank Tammy for dropping by on my little corner of cyberspace, even after so long...her comments always make me feel better. Tammy, you and Mark have been in my thoughts so often this year...I haven't been commenting, but I've been following your public posts and you continue to be such an inspiration. If I can live my life with HALF the grace and light that you've brought to yours, I'll consider it a life well lived. I continually pray that the Universe will finally see fit to let you have your peanut.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: Christmas. Yup, Christmas. Bring on the snow!
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: see above rant on diet commercials
Pretty boy of the moment: Michael Weatherly. Seriously, how did I miss NCIS for seven seasons?! That show is MADE of awesome! And DiNozzo...gah, I could watch that man read the back of a cereal box for an hour every week!
Oct 9, 2009
Knee Deep in Debris and Wearing a New Been There, Done That T-Shirt
*frantically waves hand in front of face, whilst choking and hacking on the billowing clouds of dust and cobwebs that have gathered on this blog*
Huh. Okay, that was a longer break than I was intending.
*shuffles through some of the shambles and takes a moment to chuckle ruefully at some of the old posts*
Really, much longer than I was intending. Granted, this blog is basically the cyber-equivalent of talking to myself...but I figure I'm not technically answering back and therefore it's totally a tally in the "Not Insane, Just Eccentric" column. So I guess it doesn't really matter how long I'm here or how long I'm gone. Still...I'd forgotten how cathartic it is to get thoughts out in a relatively anonymous setting.
Ah, dear glade, what an interesting six months it hath been. "Interesting" here having the meaning of "holy crap, which vengeful deity did YOU piss off?"...and, oddly enough, "see, the Universe really DOES have a sense of humor and see what happens when you forget truths you should know to your bones?"
Okay, as things stood last time I posted...I had just gotten a new puppy who was going to grow up to be a well behaved little border-collie-sized companion for my Imp, I was going to stay a year at my school and then move back home, and I was going to go through Midwest cryobank and have my Imp this year come Hell or high water.
Well, as it turns out, came Hell. In a span of three months, here are the turns my life took:
1. My family went absolutely batshit insane. My kid sister got kicked out of college, and quickly turned into an after-school special...complete with allegations of drug use (hopefully false, thank GOD), lying, deliberately trying to set other family members against each other to cover up said lies and just generally spiraling otu of control. My father and uncles are no longer speaking to my paternal grandparents or my aunts--much as I was joking about the "family feud" it's become godawful real, with people being cut from the will and not coming to see my eighty-odd-year old grandparents as long as "so and so" is in the house (which honestly breaks my heart because realistically, with their health, my grandparents are not going to be here for very much longer and I think it's fucking stupid for dad to be wasting the time he has left with them), and:
2. My maternal grandfather passed away. He had been suffering from Alzheimer's for years, it had been years since he had any idea who I even was, and in all honesty, my Grandpa had not been with us for a very long time...but God, it still hurt to lose him for good, and so soon after my Grandma (she died two years ago this winter). I was worried about my Mom for a long time.
3. I got laid off from my job. Technically it was a "reduction in force" due to budget constraints (the county was running something like a 1 million dollar deficit and we lost 14 teaching positions in the district)...and while I understand that, they knew they were gonna do it in May and didn't inform me until the last day of school in mid-June. Also, I have it on good authority that I actually should have been shuffled over to another department and a teacher with less seniority than me let go, but they pulled a technicality with my licensing because one of the God-fearin' Church Wimmin who had pull with the principal and super-intendent was convinced I was a lesbian because I lived with my friend D, and *gasp* didn't have a boyfriend or husband myself.
No offense to any actual God Fearing Church Women...I count you a different breed than the God-Fearin' church Wimmin, and truly do respect your genuine faith that does not feel the need to tear down others simply because they're different.
I'm not a lesbian, by the by. I'm just way too independent to be very good at relationships.
5. Upon being let go from my school, I returned to my home-state of Ohio only to discover that my current teaching license would not transfer because Ohio did not have reciprocity, and that my Ohio license was set to expire at the end of June. As teacher's school years start mid-august, I had exactly one month to acquire six college credits for renewal, file the paperwork for renewal, and fix my license.
If you've ever dealt with paperwork in a state education department, you know why this was a cause for despair.
Truthfully? I kind of scared myself a little these past few months. Looking back, I think I hit actual Depression (note the capital D). I just...stopped reacting to things. I literally came home from being told I was let go at work to the news that my grandfather had died and I just asked D if she wanted to order pizza or Chinese for dinner. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, things started getting wonky around the time the fight in my family started hitting a fever pitch and then things just went...numb. According to D, I freaked her the hell out...like, hide the pills and the sharp objects freaked out.
I never got even remotely close to *that* place, but yeah...in hindsight, I have not dealt with the past few months in a healthy fashion.
However, there is a flip side.
One, things are better. The fog is lifted and I can see where I'm going again. I never did have the freakout over everything that D was waiting for...but, I don't know, everything feels *real* again. Does that sound strange?
The family is still batshit insane, but things are getting better with my sister, and although the situation with my father and uncles still breaks my heart, there's nothing *I* can do about it. And *I'm* not going to let my time with my remaining grandparents go to waste. I just hope that Dad can come to some kind of resolution before it's too late.
It's still tough to remember that my maternal grandparents are no longer with me. I know it's the way of things and really, I was incredibly lucky to have them as long as I did...but it's still hard. That, however, is a wound that has scabbed over and will heal as those wounds tend to do.
I did manage to bull my way through six semester hours of reading instruction in four weeks, while maintaining my regular summer teaching job, and putting in a daily commute of about sixty miles...hell on the pocketbook with gas the way it is, but it was doable.
The paperwork was filed at the last possible minute due to a SNAFU with my grades ('cause I literally CAN'T do anything the easy way), but came through literally twenty four hours before it would have been illegal for me to be teaching.
I found a new job in a school that I love and am genuinely making a difference in. I'm teaching in the trenches, here, with kids that are from truly hardcore situations (I mean, I am big time inner-city urban here, with all the attendant problems therein)...and I'm actually reaching them. I'm the whitest of the Middle-Class, Midwestern white girls, but I have a weird knack for connecting with the most at-risk, abandon-all-hope kids.
And most importantly, a dear friend whom I love like family has agreed to help me bring my Imp into the world, and wants to be involved as a father. We're going to start trying this summer.
So...
My plans got smashed all to Hell and I got dealt a set of blows that probably should have knuckled me under. And because of it:
1. My Imp will have a Daddy, and though we're not going for a traditional co-parenting situation, I'll have some backup that I wasn't expecting in raising my son or daughter.
2. I'm back home with my family an entire year earlier than I was anticipating.
3. I'm teaching in a school where I can make a HUGE difference. I loved my old school, and I miss my friends and students there...but here I'm teaching the subject that my TRUE passion is aligned to (English/Reading) and I'm helping kids in ways that I haven't been called on to in years. The other day, one of my students was walking with me in the hall and out of the blue, she told me I was a good english teacher. Which is fine and good to hear, but then she went on to sigh heavily and say "And you always just make me *feel* better." And that right there just justified my entire existence.
So, Imp, my love...Mommy had a rough time these past few months. REALLY rough. But you know what? She's stronger because of it. And she can't help thinking that all of it was just the Universe's way of twisting her path into a better trail on which to finally cross paths with you. Granted, she kind of wishes the brakes hadn't been thrown in quite so spectacular a fashion on her old track...but she knows enough to know that things happen for a reason, even if the reason is not readily apparent. After all:
"Sometimes the best map will not guide you,
You can't see what's 'round the bend,
Sometimes the road leads through dark places,
Sometimes the darkness is your friend."
And that's that.
Huh. Okay, that was a longer break than I was intending.
*shuffles through some of the shambles and takes a moment to chuckle ruefully at some of the old posts*
Really, much longer than I was intending. Granted, this blog is basically the cyber-equivalent of talking to myself...but I figure I'm not technically answering back and therefore it's totally a tally in the "Not Insane, Just Eccentric" column. So I guess it doesn't really matter how long I'm here or how long I'm gone. Still...I'd forgotten how cathartic it is to get thoughts out in a relatively anonymous setting.
Ah, dear glade, what an interesting six months it hath been. "Interesting" here having the meaning of "holy crap, which vengeful deity did YOU piss off?"...and, oddly enough, "see, the Universe really DOES have a sense of humor and see what happens when you forget truths you should know to your bones?"
Okay, as things stood last time I posted...I had just gotten a new puppy who was going to grow up to be a well behaved little border-collie-sized companion for my Imp, I was going to stay a year at my school and then move back home, and I was going to go through Midwest cryobank and have my Imp this year come Hell or high water.
Well, as it turns out, came Hell. In a span of three months, here are the turns my life took:
1. My family went absolutely batshit insane. My kid sister got kicked out of college, and quickly turned into an after-school special...complete with allegations of drug use (hopefully false, thank GOD), lying, deliberately trying to set other family members against each other to cover up said lies and just generally spiraling otu of control. My father and uncles are no longer speaking to my paternal grandparents or my aunts--much as I was joking about the "family feud" it's become godawful real, with people being cut from the will and not coming to see my eighty-odd-year old grandparents as long as "so and so" is in the house (which honestly breaks my heart because realistically, with their health, my grandparents are not going to be here for very much longer and I think it's fucking stupid for dad to be wasting the time he has left with them), and:
2. My maternal grandfather passed away. He had been suffering from Alzheimer's for years, it had been years since he had any idea who I even was, and in all honesty, my Grandpa had not been with us for a very long time...but God, it still hurt to lose him for good, and so soon after my Grandma (she died two years ago this winter). I was worried about my Mom for a long time.
3. I got laid off from my job. Technically it was a "reduction in force" due to budget constraints (the county was running something like a 1 million dollar deficit and we lost 14 teaching positions in the district)...and while I understand that, they knew they were gonna do it in May and didn't inform me until the last day of school in mid-June. Also, I have it on good authority that I actually should have been shuffled over to another department and a teacher with less seniority than me let go, but they pulled a technicality with my licensing because one of the God-fearin' Church Wimmin who had pull with the principal and super-intendent was convinced I was a lesbian because I lived with my friend D, and *gasp* didn't have a boyfriend or husband myself.
No offense to any actual God Fearing Church Women...I count you a different breed than the God-Fearin' church Wimmin, and truly do respect your genuine faith that does not feel the need to tear down others simply because they're different.
I'm not a lesbian, by the by. I'm just way too independent to be very good at relationships.
5. Upon being let go from my school, I returned to my home-state of Ohio only to discover that my current teaching license would not transfer because Ohio did not have reciprocity, and that my Ohio license was set to expire at the end of June. As teacher's school years start mid-august, I had exactly one month to acquire six college credits for renewal, file the paperwork for renewal, and fix my license.
If you've ever dealt with paperwork in a state education department, you know why this was a cause for despair.
Truthfully? I kind of scared myself a little these past few months. Looking back, I think I hit actual Depression (note the capital D). I just...stopped reacting to things. I literally came home from being told I was let go at work to the news that my grandfather had died and I just asked D if she wanted to order pizza or Chinese for dinner. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, things started getting wonky around the time the fight in my family started hitting a fever pitch and then things just went...numb. According to D, I freaked her the hell out...like, hide the pills and the sharp objects freaked out.
I never got even remotely close to *that* place, but yeah...in hindsight, I have not dealt with the past few months in a healthy fashion.
However, there is a flip side.
One, things are better. The fog is lifted and I can see where I'm going again. I never did have the freakout over everything that D was waiting for...but, I don't know, everything feels *real* again. Does that sound strange?
The family is still batshit insane, but things are getting better with my sister, and although the situation with my father and uncles still breaks my heart, there's nothing *I* can do about it. And *I'm* not going to let my time with my remaining grandparents go to waste. I just hope that Dad can come to some kind of resolution before it's too late.
It's still tough to remember that my maternal grandparents are no longer with me. I know it's the way of things and really, I was incredibly lucky to have them as long as I did...but it's still hard. That, however, is a wound that has scabbed over and will heal as those wounds tend to do.
I did manage to bull my way through six semester hours of reading instruction in four weeks, while maintaining my regular summer teaching job, and putting in a daily commute of about sixty miles...hell on the pocketbook with gas the way it is, but it was doable.
The paperwork was filed at the last possible minute due to a SNAFU with my grades ('cause I literally CAN'T do anything the easy way), but came through literally twenty four hours before it would have been illegal for me to be teaching.
I found a new job in a school that I love and am genuinely making a difference in. I'm teaching in the trenches, here, with kids that are from truly hardcore situations (I mean, I am big time inner-city urban here, with all the attendant problems therein)...and I'm actually reaching them. I'm the whitest of the Middle-Class, Midwestern white girls, but I have a weird knack for connecting with the most at-risk, abandon-all-hope kids.
And most importantly, a dear friend whom I love like family has agreed to help me bring my Imp into the world, and wants to be involved as a father. We're going to start trying this summer.
So...
My plans got smashed all to Hell and I got dealt a set of blows that probably should have knuckled me under. And because of it:
1. My Imp will have a Daddy, and though we're not going for a traditional co-parenting situation, I'll have some backup that I wasn't expecting in raising my son or daughter.
2. I'm back home with my family an entire year earlier than I was anticipating.
3. I'm teaching in a school where I can make a HUGE difference. I loved my old school, and I miss my friends and students there...but here I'm teaching the subject that my TRUE passion is aligned to (English/Reading) and I'm helping kids in ways that I haven't been called on to in years. The other day, one of my students was walking with me in the hall and out of the blue, she told me I was a good english teacher. Which is fine and good to hear, but then she went on to sigh heavily and say "And you always just make me *feel* better." And that right there just justified my entire existence.
So, Imp, my love...Mommy had a rough time these past few months. REALLY rough. But you know what? She's stronger because of it. And she can't help thinking that all of it was just the Universe's way of twisting her path into a better trail on which to finally cross paths with you. Granted, she kind of wishes the brakes hadn't been thrown in quite so spectacular a fashion on her old track...but she knows enough to know that things happen for a reason, even if the reason is not readily apparent. After all:
"Sometimes the best map will not guide you,
You can't see what's 'round the bend,
Sometimes the road leads through dark places,
Sometimes the darkness is your friend."
And that's that.
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