Dec 16, 2009

Staff Parties and Yes Another Life-Changing Decision

Heyas,

So...had our staff Christmas party this evening. I rather like staff Christmas parties...the food generally sucks, the presents are generic re-gifting of the various "World's Best Teacher" paraphenalia that every teacher has a closet full of by the end of their first year out of college (seriously, I counted once...I have, over seven years, acquired 31 coffee mugs, five mouse pads, and 18 random apple-shaped bric-a-brac.), and I think dealing with children day in and day out has a degenerative effect on our own maturity 'cause the games? Yeah, not even going there.

But...we all get together, and there's a minimum of the bitching about troublesome students that usually flows when two or more teachers congregate in the same place (I try not to bitch too much, but yeah, guilty), and I usually have a blast.

And teachers are incredibly amusing if there's copious amounts of alcohol involved. Really. Get a teacher drunk, sometime...we're hilarious!

Well, okay, the time our science teacher got plastered and groped our (female) principal's chest wasn't too funny.

No, I'm lying, it was frickin' hilarious...but only because that particular principal was a horrible administrator who made our jobs way, WAY harder than they had to be, and her expression was priceless.

Tertiary to, well, everything...I really enjoy watching Jay Ellis on Food Network Challenge. His sugar art is gorgeous, his cake designs are elegant and beautiful, he's a good looking man, and he gets this intense, focused look when he's working like if you disturb him, he will turn around and CUT a bitch and then use your blood to tint his frosting.

Ahem.

And in other news, this Elf finds herself once again at an interesting cross-roads. Some days, I really think that my life is some kind of soap-opera that, like, aliens are watching or something. Any day now, I fully expect to run into my evil twin or get amnesia or something. Any road, I mentioned a couple months ago that my youngest sister lost her damn fool mind and got kicked out of college, then promptly lost her damn fool mind some more and just spiraled out of control. Lying, trying to set family members against each other to draw attention from her lies, leaving our parents holding the bag on some pretty hefty student loans...the works. Well...she enrolled in another school and the situation had seemed to be getting better--but we recently found out that 'seemed' is the operative word there. She's STILL lying about her attendance at school, her grades, pretty much everything. At this point, we're not entirely sure WHAT she's doing with her time, but it's not being a responsible adult. And now, she's dangerously close to outright fraud with her student loans, and my parents are going to be in some serious trouble if she doesn't straighten the hell out.

So...her lease on her current residence is up this summer. I'm considering moving to the city she lives in and moving in with her, and basically providing adult supervision on her schooling, grades, and extracurricular activities. I wish to God I wasn't referring to my 23 year old sister like some grade-school brat...but yeah, she really needs someone to stand over her shoulder and make sure she goes to class and does her homework, and my parents aren't able to do that long-distance. Our other sister lives in the same city...but she has an apartment with her fiance' and a really hectic job. Not that mine's not hectic...but at least I have reasonable work hours.

It wouldn't be much of an issue to get a job in the city. I recently achieved National Board Certification (for those of you not in education, it's basically the olympics of teaching...I am officially certified and recognized as being among the best teachers in the country). It's basically a piece of paper, but schools would snap me up in a heartbeat. I'd be making a crap-ton more money out of the charter-school system (not that a crap-ton is much, when you're talking about education)...and honestly, moving to the city where my sisters live is one of my long-term goal.
And I could take care of my sister.

Here's the flip side...I'm honestly not sure how that move would affect my plans for the Imp. I guess I could go ahead this summer...but I'm not sure it would be the best idea to go to a new school and immediately turn up pregnant. I don't know that a living situation with a very unstable young woman (and at this point, no, I'm not sure that there isn't something mentally wrong with my sister) is anything I have a right to bring a baby into. I floated the idea by my sister, and she seemed interested...but that's mostly because I don't think she realized that I would be stepping into a supervisory role. She needs it...she's obviously proven that she's not ready to live life on her own, but she doesn't accept that fact and I know such a situation has the potential to go really toxic, really fast.

Much as I hate to admit it, my cooler, more logical side says that such a move would mean putting the Imp off for ANOTHER year. and I know that three years is nothing compared to what some women go through waiting for their babies...but dear God, I don't want to wait. It about killed me putting off my TTC plans last school year.

And then I feel bad and selfish for thinking that way when my sister, who is a person I love who's actually here and not just a hypothetical being, could use my help and support. I feel like it should be a clear-cut choice...but I don't know if that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. And then I start thinking that if I'm hesitating to make a sacrifice for my sister, what the hell kind of mother am I going to be? And so on, and so forth...

And okay, I also recognize that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and need help and my sister hasn't done that...but it's not just her that's gonna go down. She really has the potential here to RUIN my parents financially. It's that bad.

I just really don't know what to do here.

1 comment:

girlranting said...

It's not like you're asking for advice, but I say "go for it" when it comes to your sister, and also say "go for it" when it comes to the imp. I mean, you really don't know how much time it will actually take you to get pregnant, so you may as well start trying now. I'm a firm believer that things tend to fall into place when they should, much despite our moaning and groaning when things don't go how we want them to...