So...I am pretty much permanently attached to my laptop. I watch a lot of my TV on it, I web browse with it, I use it to plan all my lessons, it contains most of my social life, and I use it to watch all my DVD's.
I love my laptop.
Unfortunately, Marley loved my laptop too when he was a wee small puppy (Hah! Oh, those were the days!)...more specifically, he loved the laptop cord. Yes, my laptop cord has been held together by electrical tape and habit since about two weeks after I brought Marley into my house...teething puppies know no mercy.
Or pain, apparently, as the cord was not always unplugged when Marley was chewing on it.
But I digress.
Sadly, electrical tape and habit can only last so long, and the power cord on my laptop has at last given up the ghost. And so...I find myself without a laptop. The battery is for shit at this point, and having just spent $350 dollars on a new motherboard for the latop, I can't afford a new cord as well. Why, you ask?
'CAUSE THE CORD COSTS ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MOTHERFUCKING DOLLARS.
A CORD. A laptop CORD!
I need it, but I cannot justify spending a little over a quarter of my monthly income on my laptop this month. I'll just have to wait until my tax return comes in. But in the meantime, I am in a bit of a pickle. I've been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred workout DVD (and let me tell you, never mind the shady lawsuits or the fact that this chick looks and sounds like she spends all day every day thinking about all the people she wants to kill and how she wants to do it...I'm a believer. Two weeks and my pants are already WAY looser, I have a crap-ton more energy, and I just feel GOOD)...and without a laptop, I have no DVD player.
Now, obviously, I have computer access. My mother let me bring my grandma's old desktop computer to my apartment to use while my laptop was being worked on. Problem is, this thing has none of my customary bells and whistles installed. Including a DVD player.
And I haven't had an actual DVD player in years. Seriously, I do everything on my laptop, why would I need one?
So now, I can't do my workout, 'cause I haven't memorized the moves or anything...and while I COULD just make up my own, or go jogging or somethi---
No, never mind, I can't even finish that sentence.
Any road, suffice it to say I'm a creature of habit, and when I find something I like (well, okay, 'like' is perhaps too strong a word. I DREAD those twenty minutes where I'm gonna have to workout with Jillian, and spend those twenty minutes panting, groaning, screaming, and growling out lots of things along the lines of: FUCK YOU, Jillian Michaels!!!!! Huh, and again, that didn't sound that dirty in my head) I want to stick to it.
So, I decide to go buy a DVD player. 'Cause it's not like I'll NEVER use it, and they're pretty damn cheap these days, so it'll cost less than replacing the power cord anyway. And I find one at KMart for, like, twenty bucks.
Yeah, I kind of forgot about that whole "you get what you pay for" thing. This player is a piece of crap. The remote it came with doesn't work, and the little "forward" and "back" buttons on it don't work, so while I can play a DVD up to the menu screen, I cannot advance the screen to the "Play Movie" option...and the "Play Workout" option on my DVD is the SECOND option.
So, I can watch all the "Biggest Loser" commercials on the DVD...but can't actually play my workout.
No problem, says this Elf. And I high me hence to the ninth circle of Hell, also known as WalMart. And buy a universal remote (for seven bucks, so still cheaper than buying a cord).
Clever, no?
Well...no, it's not. 'Cause my piece of crap DVD player is such a cheap piece of crap that the remote doesn't have a code for it. So my universal remote works fine on my TV and my cable box...but will not work on the DVD player I bought it for.
Which I think defies the very definition of "universal," but that's just me.
So, after two trips to two of the places that I hate most on this Earth, $27 dollars spent (plus tax), 45 minutes of wrangling cords and hookups and scrolling through code libraries only to discover that my brand isn't even listed...
I sit back with a baleful glare, only to literally jerk to attention seconds later as I have the latest in a long line of "well DUH" moments.
And then I went and downloaded a free VLC media player in five minutes, uninstalled all the stupid advertising hangers-on, and happily plop my work out DVD in.
Literally. Genetically. Incapable. Of Doing ANYTHING. The Easy Way.
Nothing much else going on...came home today and had to spend the better part of an hour cleaning out Marley's kennel. Marley does not do well when left to his own devices for large amounts of time. It's weird...he's perfectly happy to go and sleep on my bed while I'm in the living room for hours on end, but if I leave the house without him he will go CRAZY. Unfortunately, this means I can't trust him out in the house while I'm gone during the day, so he spends his days in a truly giant crate.
That he's almost outgrown. *sigh*
Any road, a downside of this is that I sometimes come home to truly spectacular messes. I don't think Marley is what you'd call "crate-dirty"...he clearly doesn't like to mess in his crate, and it's not a daily occurance. But part and parcel of his health issues are that he needs to drink lots more water than a "normal" dog to help flush out his system (like, I literally leave a MIXING bowl of water out for him and have to refill it at least twice a day), which means that even though I let him out in the mornings, he can't really be expected to 'hold it' for the eight or nine hours I'm gone during the day. He usually does, but two or three times a week, he just can't. Another issue is the fact that the food I feed him leaves his stools rather loose.
This is good because again, gets his system cleared out of excess protein faster.
This is terrible, because sometimes, he just can't hold it.
Oh good LORD, I hate coming home to find dog crap smeared over half the bottom of the cage (interestingly, Marley tends to use the blankets I pad the kennel with to cover the mess, so I rarely come home to HIM covered in dog crap). Today was an, "I'm sorry Mom, but I just couldn't hold it!" day. So, I had to awkwardly maneuver the dog-crap covered kennel bottom (it's a slide-out plastic tray for 'easy cleaning') into the shower, soak off the dried dog crap, scrape off the "rehydrated" dog crap, scrub everything down with Resolve Pet Stain formula, drag the kennel tray out to the living room to let it dry, go over the tan carpet with a fine-toothed comb for any "pieces" that might have gotten dislodged, and then go and sanitize my shower.
Plus side, the bath tub has rarely been this clean.
Down side, 409 cleaner and dog crap is NOT an attractive scent.
And I don't know why I described all that...just like to share the misery, I guess.
Marley's lucky he's cute! ;)
Feb 23, 2010
Feb 21, 2010
Dude, It Doesn't Make Me THAT Happy In My Pants
Compelling entry title, no?
Just...am I hallucinating or are food commercials becoming, like, hypersexualized. I'm not talking about the whole Quizno's campaign with the 70's porn-star-voiced toaster oven telling the Quizno's guy to "put it in me"...that's intentional parody (and frickin' hilarious I might add).
No, I'm talking about the chick in the new York Peppermint Patty commercial, with like the extreme closeups of her gasping and writhing and goose-pimpling as she slowly devours the patty. I've had a few York Peppermint Patties in my time...I've never gotten off on a single one.
What? That chick TOTALLY looks like she's having an orgasm. Tell me I'm wrong.
Or how about the little Dannon yogurt cups...the one with the girl walking down the dairy aisle, and she just HAS to have a yogurt cup, so she opens one, sticks it on her face, and sucks the contents out hands-free, then delicately dabs at the little droplets at the corner of her mouth.
Hmmm, let's see...what image is that supposed to conjure? Those sort of things just "blow" my mind, y'know?
And don't get me started on the Dove chocolate commercials. All it needs is a "bow-chica-wow-wow" soundtrack.
And here's the thing...I like food. I understand that food can be a very sensual experience, something that hits you on all levels. I understand that sex sells, and part of advertising is to get your target audience to associate your product with pleasure, thus making your target audience more likely to purchase your product in pursuit of said pleasure.
But do you have to hit your target audience over the head with an anvil to get that association going?
Doesn't anyone practice the art of being subtle anymore?
Any road...
The Snowpocalypse seems to be over for the moment. Everything is reaching that crushingly depressing shade of dirty-slushy-gray-brown-black that I absolutely hate and the sidewalks are finally visible again. While I can on some level appreciate that it's easier to get around now...everything looks so darn UGLY when large amounts of snow start melting. It kind of makes me sad in a way that heavy gray skies, white-out conditions, and freezing rain just doesn't.
Had a few more days off of school, and then a professional day where I had to drive up to Columbus and spend the day sitting in a tiny room, in uncomfortable seats, being essentially taught a methods course. I have nothing against profesional development. I quite enjoy finding out what new and interesting things are going on in education. Problem is, my school's parent company continually hires speakers and presenters who are, like, three years behind the times. Positive Behavior Support? *sigh* Went to that training and have been implementing its strategies in my classrooms since 2005. Technology In The Classroom? While I appreciate how enthusiastic the lady was about a classroom webpage...um, each of my students has a class blog, we regularly do webquests, and I've arranged a real-time unit exchange over Skype with my old students in North Carolina. Um...classroom technology is kind of my bitch. I love that we have professional development days...but can't we please get some of the newer material in?
I did get to hang out with my sister and her fiance' over the weekend, though, so that was fun. Went up to c's place the night before the development day (Marley has to come with me on these sojourns up to the state capital, so we always go up and stay at my sister's apartment) and just hung out. decided to stay another night after the development day and went to see Shutter Island. Not a bad movie...I saw the "twist" coming about halfway through, but all in all, it was a decent film.
And "Clash of the Titans" looks freaking AWESOME!!! It's going to be a horrible movie that not even Liam Neeson will be able to save, and the special effects are going to completely dominate it, but I'm going on opening night, and it's going to be INCREDIBLE!!!!
What? Flashy popcorn flicks have their place. They're fun. Not every film has to be a ponderous Oscar-worthy intellectual epic. Witness my addiction to Sherlock Holmes.
Not much else going on. It looks like I'm gonna get a decent amount back on my taxes, which should fund this summer's Imp-related activities. I decided to go with Midwest sperm bank after all, and am currently narrowing donor choices down. I also think I'm going to do a "natural" IUI cycle...no meds or anything, but better chances than an at-home insemination. So yeah, Imp Watch 2010 rolls on. Huzzah, huzzah.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: Clash of the Titans, hehe
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: the neighbor who has been playing his stereo juuuust loud enough for the bass to bleed through the walls for THREE FRICKIN' HOURS!!!!
Pretty boy of the moment: Leonardo DiCaprio is certainly no harship to look at for two hours.
Just...am I hallucinating or are food commercials becoming, like, hypersexualized. I'm not talking about the whole Quizno's campaign with the 70's porn-star-voiced toaster oven telling the Quizno's guy to "put it in me"...that's intentional parody (and frickin' hilarious I might add).
No, I'm talking about the chick in the new York Peppermint Patty commercial, with like the extreme closeups of her gasping and writhing and goose-pimpling as she slowly devours the patty. I've had a few York Peppermint Patties in my time...I've never gotten off on a single one.
What? That chick TOTALLY looks like she's having an orgasm. Tell me I'm wrong.
Or how about the little Dannon yogurt cups...the one with the girl walking down the dairy aisle, and she just HAS to have a yogurt cup, so she opens one, sticks it on her face, and sucks the contents out hands-free, then delicately dabs at the little droplets at the corner of her mouth.
Hmmm, let's see...what image is that supposed to conjure? Those sort of things just "blow" my mind, y'know?
And don't get me started on the Dove chocolate commercials. All it needs is a "bow-chica-wow-wow" soundtrack.
And here's the thing...I like food. I understand that food can be a very sensual experience, something that hits you on all levels. I understand that sex sells, and part of advertising is to get your target audience to associate your product with pleasure, thus making your target audience more likely to purchase your product in pursuit of said pleasure.
But do you have to hit your target audience over the head with an anvil to get that association going?
Doesn't anyone practice the art of being subtle anymore?
Any road...
The Snowpocalypse seems to be over for the moment. Everything is reaching that crushingly depressing shade of dirty-slushy-gray-brown-black that I absolutely hate and the sidewalks are finally visible again. While I can on some level appreciate that it's easier to get around now...everything looks so darn UGLY when large amounts of snow start melting. It kind of makes me sad in a way that heavy gray skies, white-out conditions, and freezing rain just doesn't.
Had a few more days off of school, and then a professional day where I had to drive up to Columbus and spend the day sitting in a tiny room, in uncomfortable seats, being essentially taught a methods course. I have nothing against profesional development. I quite enjoy finding out what new and interesting things are going on in education. Problem is, my school's parent company continually hires speakers and presenters who are, like, three years behind the times. Positive Behavior Support? *sigh* Went to that training and have been implementing its strategies in my classrooms since 2005. Technology In The Classroom? While I appreciate how enthusiastic the lady was about a classroom webpage...um, each of my students has a class blog, we regularly do webquests, and I've arranged a real-time unit exchange over Skype with my old students in North Carolina. Um...classroom technology is kind of my bitch. I love that we have professional development days...but can't we please get some of the newer material in?
I did get to hang out with my sister and her fiance' over the weekend, though, so that was fun. Went up to c's place the night before the development day (Marley has to come with me on these sojourns up to the state capital, so we always go up and stay at my sister's apartment) and just hung out. decided to stay another night after the development day and went to see Shutter Island. Not a bad movie...I saw the "twist" coming about halfway through, but all in all, it was a decent film.
And "Clash of the Titans" looks freaking AWESOME!!! It's going to be a horrible movie that not even Liam Neeson will be able to save, and the special effects are going to completely dominate it, but I'm going on opening night, and it's going to be INCREDIBLE!!!!
What? Flashy popcorn flicks have their place. They're fun. Not every film has to be a ponderous Oscar-worthy intellectual epic. Witness my addiction to Sherlock Holmes.
Not much else going on. It looks like I'm gonna get a decent amount back on my taxes, which should fund this summer's Imp-related activities. I decided to go with Midwest sperm bank after all, and am currently narrowing donor choices down. I also think I'm going to do a "natural" IUI cycle...no meds or anything, but better chances than an at-home insemination. So yeah, Imp Watch 2010 rolls on. Huzzah, huzzah.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: Clash of the Titans, hehe
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: the neighbor who has been playing his stereo juuuust loud enough for the bass to bleed through the walls for THREE FRICKIN' HOURS!!!!
Pretty boy of the moment: Leonardo DiCaprio is certainly no harship to look at for two hours.
Feb 16, 2010
Entertaining Oneself During the Snowpocalypse
So yeah...Old Man Winter has made his presence felt with a vengeance in my little neck of the woods. In the past twenty four hours we've gotten darn near a foot of snow...on top of the snow that hadn't really melted from the last big storm, leaving us with drifts up to three and a half or four feet in some places. Poor Marley is belly deep in it when I take him out to do his business (and remember...this is my Labra-Horse whose back is even with the bottom of my hip these days).
Speaking of Marley...he's going through another growth spurt. God help me. He's at the top end of the weight range most apartments allow for large breed animals (the ones that allow large breed animals to begin with) already. And holy crap, I don't know what I'll do if he gets any taller. I already feel horrible for making him live in our little one bedroom apartment. He needs more space, but this is the best I can do at the moment. Hopefully, next year I'll be able to buy or rent a house. Probably rent. I don't know if having a baby in the same year as buying a house is the smartest thing to do, and frankly, I want the baby more than I want to be able to paint my walls whatever color I want.
But yeah, off school again today--though I'm pretty sure we'll go in tomorrow unless everything freezes tonight.
It's already been pretty exciting. Marley got into a box of butter I'd left out on the counter to soften while I was in the shower and ate all four sticks. And the wax wrappers. And most of the box. Fortunately, there's not a lot of protein in butter, so I wasn't worried about him seizing again, but I had visions of the wax paper getting all twisted up in his intestines and causing a blockage, so I decided to make him throw it up.
Yes, I'm old hat at making my dog vomit. I have to be very, very careful about what he ingests due to his health issues, but my Mom has four cats at her place currently and Marley has a taste for cat food and the survival instincts of a suicidally depressed lemming. He gets into things he shouldn't a LOT.
On the plus side, I'm absolutely certain that having a toddler around will be a breeze after dealing with Marley.
Any road, I didn't have any peroxide in the house (interesting side note, if you ever need to make a dog vomit, a little oral syringe of plain old hydrogen peroxide will do the trick in like three minutes.) and the snow plows hadn't been through yet so I couldn't get out to go get some...so I ended up having to pour, like, five tablespoons of salt down Marley's gullet.
I think he thinks I'm very angry with him right now. Poor baby.
I've never used the salt method before, so I had no idea how long it would take. Come to find out, it takes quite a bit longer than peroxide 'cause he didn't vomit for almost an hour. And of course, by then I'd stopped watching so close to be able to get him outside to do it, so I came out of the kitchen to find a GIANT puddle of melted butter, wax paper bits, bile, and dog food on the floor.
God, it smelled disgusting. And it took me three rolls of paper towels to get it all up. Marley never does anything by haves, that's for sure.
Have I mentioned before that something like 90% of the dogs that have Marley's particular health issue are toy breeds? Like, Yorkies and shit?
And now my apartment smells of slightly soured dairy product. It's gross.
Nothing else going on. My stepsister is pregnant with her second child, which is both nice and somewhat depressing. Nice because I lived in another state when her first was born, so I've not really been able to bond with the kid, and so I'm looking forward to being more of an aunt and depressing 'cause...well.
Just a few more months, though, and I can go for the Imp. And this time, I'm going until he or she is here. No more distractions or waiting. So yeah.
Speaking of Marley...he's going through another growth spurt. God help me. He's at the top end of the weight range most apartments allow for large breed animals (the ones that allow large breed animals to begin with) already. And holy crap, I don't know what I'll do if he gets any taller. I already feel horrible for making him live in our little one bedroom apartment. He needs more space, but this is the best I can do at the moment. Hopefully, next year I'll be able to buy or rent a house. Probably rent. I don't know if having a baby in the same year as buying a house is the smartest thing to do, and frankly, I want the baby more than I want to be able to paint my walls whatever color I want.
But yeah, off school again today--though I'm pretty sure we'll go in tomorrow unless everything freezes tonight.
It's already been pretty exciting. Marley got into a box of butter I'd left out on the counter to soften while I was in the shower and ate all four sticks. And the wax wrappers. And most of the box. Fortunately, there's not a lot of protein in butter, so I wasn't worried about him seizing again, but I had visions of the wax paper getting all twisted up in his intestines and causing a blockage, so I decided to make him throw it up.
Yes, I'm old hat at making my dog vomit. I have to be very, very careful about what he ingests due to his health issues, but my Mom has four cats at her place currently and Marley has a taste for cat food and the survival instincts of a suicidally depressed lemming. He gets into things he shouldn't a LOT.
On the plus side, I'm absolutely certain that having a toddler around will be a breeze after dealing with Marley.
Any road, I didn't have any peroxide in the house (interesting side note, if you ever need to make a dog vomit, a little oral syringe of plain old hydrogen peroxide will do the trick in like three minutes.) and the snow plows hadn't been through yet so I couldn't get out to go get some...so I ended up having to pour, like, five tablespoons of salt down Marley's gullet.
I think he thinks I'm very angry with him right now. Poor baby.
I've never used the salt method before, so I had no idea how long it would take. Come to find out, it takes quite a bit longer than peroxide 'cause he didn't vomit for almost an hour. And of course, by then I'd stopped watching so close to be able to get him outside to do it, so I came out of the kitchen to find a GIANT puddle of melted butter, wax paper bits, bile, and dog food on the floor.
God, it smelled disgusting. And it took me three rolls of paper towels to get it all up. Marley never does anything by haves, that's for sure.
Have I mentioned before that something like 90% of the dogs that have Marley's particular health issue are toy breeds? Like, Yorkies and shit?
And now my apartment smells of slightly soured dairy product. It's gross.
Nothing else going on. My stepsister is pregnant with her second child, which is both nice and somewhat depressing. Nice because I lived in another state when her first was born, so I've not really been able to bond with the kid, and so I'm looking forward to being more of an aunt and depressing 'cause...well.
Just a few more months, though, and I can go for the Imp. And this time, I'm going until he or she is here. No more distractions or waiting. So yeah.
Feb 9, 2010
Whoa...Be Careful What You Wish For
So yeah...my one fervent wish for the past five years or so (well, all right, besides the Imp) has been for a really good, hard, long (yikes, that didn't sound that dirty in my head!) Ohio winter. The kind with tons of snow and heavy, overcast days, and tons of snow, and bitter cold air, and did I mention the tons of snow?
Hey, I did two years in a desert and then three years in the South. I missed snow. And for whatever reason, S.A.D. is a total crock for me. I love heavy, dark, winter days. Especially if there's snow.
Well, I'm getting my wish now. Like what I suspect is most of the Midwest by this point...I'm snowed in. For real, this time.
I also think I might have threatened my principal this morning, but I'm a little fuzzy on that. Eh, he called to activate the phone tree to call off school at, like, 4:30 this morning...I may or may not have snarled something into the phone to the effect of, "Something damn well better be on fire!" when I answered. Probably did...I'm not lucky enough to have dreamed that. Oh well.
So yeah, started snowing about 2 am when Marley demanded a potty break, and now we're utterly buried with no sign of it abating. The snowfall from this weekend hasn't melted much, so it's about knee deep in some places. Awesome.
What is less awesome is the way the apartment complex's snowplow keeps winging around our parking lot like it's the freakin' Indy 500. Dude took out one of the speed bumps last week (like seriously, scraped the thing right up! It's sticking out of one of the giant piles near the dumpsters that will be there 'til April this year). I swear, if he hits my car I'm gonna punch him in the balls. True story.
Any road, yeah, snowed in...and I just realized that I'm out of garlic crackers, so of course now I'm having mad cravings for them. But driving up to the grocery in this is a wee bit risky, even for my usual devil may care attitude.
But damn, I really want crackers now.
In other news, I'm making some preliminary searches on possible donors at the banks I'm considering. Upon further research, I found one in California that looks promising (Not THE California bank, but something called the California Fertility Center). They seem to have pretty decent reviews and their sperm is somewhat less expensive than Midwest. I want to talk to a few more people who have used them before I make a final decision, but I haven't thus far seen anything that raises a red flag.
Huh...and by the loud bang that just echoed through the parking lot, I think the snowplow just took out the other speed bump.
Any road, searching for a donor is an interesting process for a single woman. I don't have a partner I'm trying to match, so what I want is completely arbitrary, for the most part. I mean, I look at family health history first and foremost...heart disease and diabetes run pretty heavily through my family, so I want donors that don't have those particular curses (not that there's any real guarantee that the donors are being truthful on the form...most of 'em seem to be average college guys. I don't remember those as being a particularly trustworthy breed.)
Beyond that, it's a matter of deciding whether I want to match my own looks to up the chances of my child looking like me and mine (which I think would be somewhat less complicated than having a baby that doesn't look like ANYONE in my family) and going or something completely different. I think I want a donor with blue or green eyes. Don't care so much about hair as my wildly thick curls are a pretty dominant trait in my clan. But then it's like...do I want someone tall? What kind of frame should I pick? do I want someone who seems smart, or should I trust that my very education-oriented background will top out there?
And then I get a little creeped out by the fact that I'm considering these things like I'm picking half my child's genetic makeup like I'm at a drive-through.
"Yes, I'd like the Wester European deluxe...extra height, and hold the freckles, please!"
I also felt like kind of a freak 'cause one guy piqued my interest just 'cause he listed "Shaun of the Dead" as his favorite movie.
I mean, I don't know if anyone's noticed...but I'm somewhat cavalier in nature. With few exceptions, there's just not much that happens that my approach isn't "roll with the punches, no need to make a fuss"
But I feel like I SHOULD be making a fuss over the Imp's potential biology. I'm not even touching the whole open donor vs. anonymous donor. I'm going for anonymous...Imp, you might be angry at me for it later, but the fact is there's no guarantee with that stuff anyway. Some college freshman who says, "yeah, sure I'll meet the kid when they're 18" when HE'S 18 might feel very differently when he's 36, married, and with three kids he's actually had a hand in raising. He might be an utter loser. He might be a damn criminal. In weighing a theoretical need to "know where you came from" against a theoretical disappointment of that magnitude...I'm making the unilateral decision to just not even open the door to that. Besides...knowing what I do of our family, the way your going to be raised, and the people you're going to be raised around, I don't think it'll be a problem.
I'm also making a unilateral decision to circumcise if you're a boy...just so you know. AND use disposable diapers.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: The snowplows getting the hell out of the parking lot, 'cause they're really making me nervous.
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: the lack of garlic crackers in the house.
Pretty boy of the moment: Marley...'cause he's just soooo cute all sprawled out on the carpet!
Hey, I did two years in a desert and then three years in the South. I missed snow. And for whatever reason, S.A.D. is a total crock for me. I love heavy, dark, winter days. Especially if there's snow.
Well, I'm getting my wish now. Like what I suspect is most of the Midwest by this point...I'm snowed in. For real, this time.
I also think I might have threatened my principal this morning, but I'm a little fuzzy on that. Eh, he called to activate the phone tree to call off school at, like, 4:30 this morning...I may or may not have snarled something into the phone to the effect of, "Something damn well better be on fire!" when I answered. Probably did...I'm not lucky enough to have dreamed that. Oh well.
So yeah, started snowing about 2 am when Marley demanded a potty break, and now we're utterly buried with no sign of it abating. The snowfall from this weekend hasn't melted much, so it's about knee deep in some places. Awesome.
What is less awesome is the way the apartment complex's snowplow keeps winging around our parking lot like it's the freakin' Indy 500. Dude took out one of the speed bumps last week (like seriously, scraped the thing right up! It's sticking out of one of the giant piles near the dumpsters that will be there 'til April this year). I swear, if he hits my car I'm gonna punch him in the balls. True story.
Any road, yeah, snowed in...and I just realized that I'm out of garlic crackers, so of course now I'm having mad cravings for them. But driving up to the grocery in this is a wee bit risky, even for my usual devil may care attitude.
But damn, I really want crackers now.
In other news, I'm making some preliminary searches on possible donors at the banks I'm considering. Upon further research, I found one in California that looks promising (Not THE California bank, but something called the California Fertility Center). They seem to have pretty decent reviews and their sperm is somewhat less expensive than Midwest. I want to talk to a few more people who have used them before I make a final decision, but I haven't thus far seen anything that raises a red flag.
Huh...and by the loud bang that just echoed through the parking lot, I think the snowplow just took out the other speed bump.
Any road, searching for a donor is an interesting process for a single woman. I don't have a partner I'm trying to match, so what I want is completely arbitrary, for the most part. I mean, I look at family health history first and foremost...heart disease and diabetes run pretty heavily through my family, so I want donors that don't have those particular curses (not that there's any real guarantee that the donors are being truthful on the form...most of 'em seem to be average college guys. I don't remember those as being a particularly trustworthy breed.)
Beyond that, it's a matter of deciding whether I want to match my own looks to up the chances of my child looking like me and mine (which I think would be somewhat less complicated than having a baby that doesn't look like ANYONE in my family) and going or something completely different. I think I want a donor with blue or green eyes. Don't care so much about hair as my wildly thick curls are a pretty dominant trait in my clan. But then it's like...do I want someone tall? What kind of frame should I pick? do I want someone who seems smart, or should I trust that my very education-oriented background will top out there?
And then I get a little creeped out by the fact that I'm considering these things like I'm picking half my child's genetic makeup like I'm at a drive-through.
"Yes, I'd like the Wester European deluxe...extra height, and hold the freckles, please!"
I also felt like kind of a freak 'cause one guy piqued my interest just 'cause he listed "Shaun of the Dead" as his favorite movie.
I mean, I don't know if anyone's noticed...but I'm somewhat cavalier in nature. With few exceptions, there's just not much that happens that my approach isn't "roll with the punches, no need to make a fuss"
But I feel like I SHOULD be making a fuss over the Imp's potential biology. I'm not even touching the whole open donor vs. anonymous donor. I'm going for anonymous...Imp, you might be angry at me for it later, but the fact is there's no guarantee with that stuff anyway. Some college freshman who says, "yeah, sure I'll meet the kid when they're 18" when HE'S 18 might feel very differently when he's 36, married, and with three kids he's actually had a hand in raising. He might be an utter loser. He might be a damn criminal. In weighing a theoretical need to "know where you came from" against a theoretical disappointment of that magnitude...I'm making the unilateral decision to just not even open the door to that. Besides...knowing what I do of our family, the way your going to be raised, and the people you're going to be raised around, I don't think it'll be a problem.
I'm also making a unilateral decision to circumcise if you're a boy...just so you know. AND use disposable diapers.
Things this Elf is looking forward to: The snowplows getting the hell out of the parking lot, 'cause they're really making me nervous.
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: the lack of garlic crackers in the house.
Pretty boy of the moment: Marley...'cause he's just soooo cute all sprawled out on the carpet!
Feb 6, 2010
Random Thinking Is Random
So, I'm currently snowed in at my apartment...well, not technically, as the snow plows have done a rather admirable job of clearing the parking lot and while the road is still covered with a layer of snow and ice, driving is actually not too bad.
However, going out would necessitate me going out and clearing my car of about eight inches of snow with my bare hands and a towel as I do not own a broom or an ice-scraper and only have one pair of gloves that I'm NOT going to get soaked 'cause I need them when I walk Marley.
Also, I walked Marley this morning before the snow plows had gone through (hey, YOU try being cooped up in a one-bedroom with a stir-crazy 75 pound LabraHorse and see how long it takes you to give in to puppy-eyes-telepathy asking for a walk) and consequently, my jeans are soaked through from the calf down.
And no, I don't own an ice scraper 'cause I've only recently moved from a southern state where snow is a rarity...I'm just too lazy to go buy one. Same on the broom...why bother? My Dirt Devil works just fine in the kitchen.
Any road, I'm snowed in...truly a gloriously spectacular storm last night...we got nearly a foot of snow in a six hour period. It's awesome. Everything is gorgeous and crisp and white and the snow hasn't eroded to that disgusting brown-grey slush that just makes you miserable and achy everytime you look at it. Fresh, sparkling snowfall? Makes me happier than just about anything else.
And there's nothing to do but watch TV and play on the internet (really, I have tests to grade, laundry to do, and my bath tub desperately needs to be scrubbed out...but c'mon! Evidently, my school district doesn't close for anything less than a level four snow emergency, so I'm unlikely to get days off this winter...I'm damn well gonna take a snow day and just lounge in my pj's, nosh on the pineapple in my 'fridge I really have to eat before it spoils, and veg out.)
Unfortunately, Saturday television is really quite pathetic. There's a MonsterQuest marathon on the History channel...but as much as I love paranormal and cryptozoology-based reality television (dude, Ghost Hunters is SO much better than the friggin' televised prostitution and physical torture marketed under the guise of dating shows and such. Though I will admit that watching Toddlers and Tiaras gives me a certain amount of comfort in my future parenting abilities...no matter how much I suck, I'll never be as crazy as some of those stage moms. Yeesh) MonsterQuest sucks. At least Ghost Hunters often comes up with interesting and unexplainable phenomenon (and even when they don't, I can watch Tango for an hour...definitely wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers). MonsterQuest is an hour of badly CGI-ed recreations of cryptozoological creatures and ominous narrative that always, always, ALWAYS ends in: "in the end, the expedition is unable to capture any new evidence of -insert random mythological beast here--The team returns home...empty-handed." Dun-dun-DUUUUUUUUN! Like I didn't see that one coming a mile off.
Though in all fairness, I should note, I have not yet turned the MonsterQuest marathon OFF yet.
Even my beloved Food Network has failed me, filling their Saturday lineup with all the crap cooking shows that can't make it in primetime. Yeah, I'm talking to YOU Five-Ingredient-Fix girl. Seriously, you have the personality impact of a wet dishrag and you keep looking at the wrong camera for your full-on, "now I'm personally talking to the audience" shots.
Even Barefoot Contessa annoyed me today. I normally like the Barefoot Contessa. Food's a little on the high-end side for my budget, but it looks delicious, and the recipes are relatively simple. I would totally make Ina my go-to cookbook for special occasions. But she's soooooooo frickin' pretentious! And then tries to pretend that she's not. Like today, there was this whole big long segment where she's standing in the giant front yard of her house in the Hamptons with a pile of freshly-cut tulips that would go for $150 in a florist's and a set of glass containers the size of a flour cannister, a Pringles can, and a friggin' BEER KEG and she's all "*groan* One of the hardest things for me is finding the right vase for my flower arrangments...it's sooo hard to judge sometimes, so I just have to try different ones until I find the one that fits." And then it's wow, let's see...no, I can't fit $150 worth of tulips in a pringles can...and wow! They just fall right over in the GLASS BEER KEG. See? I make silly mistakes too! Oh, there we go...the last one is just right! Whew, what a relief!
Bitch, please.
You live in the Hamptons, you take holiday jaunts to France whenever it strikes your fancy, and you prounounce vase as "vahz" with a straight face. Stop trying to relate to me, just show me how to make your fancy food so I can impress my friends and relatives the two times a year I can afford your ingredients.
I genuinely do like that show, and she seems like a lovely lady...those staged bits where everyone tries to convince the viewer that people prancing around there weekend Hampton homes with honest-to-God pastel sweaters tied around their shoulders are Just Like Everyone Else just annoy the piss out of me.
So yeah, not much going on here.
Still debating whether I want to try and move again next year, and if I do, whether I want to try and move in with my kid sister and take care of her a bit. Jury's still out on that. She's making some progress...evidently the nursing school thing is sticking, for now. I still don't think she has the temperment to make it as a nurse, but nothing would please me more than to be underestimating her. I'm genuinely not trying to be insulting to my sister, here. There are just some jobs that you have to have a calling for. I certainly couldn't be a nurse! My sister who IS a nurse couldn't fathom being a teacher. So if our youngest sister can make a go of it, good for her, and I will be so proud of her and so happy for her...but I just genuinely don't think she's cut out for the work and the more unpleasant aspects of the job. She could certainly do something people-oriented. Kid's got more social grace in her little finger than I've got in my whole body. I just don't see her cleaning up vomit and blood and poop and being happy with it.
And then there's the whole empathy thing. Put it like this...couple weeks ago, we went out shopping for my middle sister's wedding dress. I was there, my stepsisters were there, our mother and stepmother were there. My mom HATES my stepmother (fair enough as she is the woman Dad cheated on her with and left her for) and she still managed to put it aside long enough to be a part of something so important to C. Youngest sister, on the other hand, begged off, saying that she had a test that morning and then work. As we're trying to get her to be more focused on school, we reluctantly accepted the excuse.
Turns out, youngest sister just didn't want to get up early enough to get to the appointment at the dress boutique. She's a frickin' bridesmaid in the wedding. And it's OUR SISTER. Call me crazy, but I was not impressed.
So yeah, thinking long and hard about entangling myself in youngest sister's problems to the extent of living with her. It has the potential to be thoroughly unpleasant and stressful (things I don't need if I'm going to be trying to get pregnant this year)...but at the same time I feel that NOT doing it when I have the potential to help her get back on track would be incredibly selfish and wrong of me. And then I go back to the fact that my sister's a grown woman who has repeatedly lied to my face about very important matters for going on two years now, thrown my attempts at understanding back at me, and just in general shown not a whit of regard for anyone in our family. Do I really want to potentially put aspects of my life on hold for someone who doesn't seem to WANT help?
I dunno...I suppose the answer will come to me eventually.
On to more pleasant matters....Imp Watch, Twenty Ten.
Has a nice ring to it, eh?
So, I'm readjusting plans now that my friend J has backed out. Back to sperm banks. I've pretty much resolved to go with Midwest, but am researching other options. At the moment, I'm concentrating on just getting myself as healthy as possible...eating ridiculous amounts of fruit and vegetables, whole-fat dairy (which evidently is good for fertility, if not your waistline), and whole grains. Dieting is going pretty well. Didn't bother calorie counting during the holidays (what's the point? The best you can do for a diet during the holidays in my house is try not to overeat the awesome yummy stuff), but am back on track now. I'm also back on my herbal regimen of Evening Primrose Oil and have started an herbal supplement called Fertilaid. Was a little leery of it at first, as I don't like processed herbals as a general rule, but this stuff came with good reviews and there's nothing in it that will actually hurt me...so figured it was worth a shot. I haven't had much luck with Vitex (chaste tree) in the past, but I rather think that's because Vitex can take a few months to work properly in some people and I didn't start it early enough to take an adjustment period into account.
Oh, and I'm trying Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred as an exercise regimen.
Holy SHIT, that's the most unpleasant 20 minutes of my day, hands down. It's HARD. But, I need to get some more weight off, and the woman definitely produces results. Haven't been doing it enough to tell, yet, but if nothing else, I'm definitely going to be stronger by the time my 30 days are up.
So, Imp Watch schedule is looking like this:
February, March, April--main focus on losing weight and getting healthier
May/June--final decision on sperm bank, submit paperwork and order donor
Late July/August--attempt for the Imp, woohoo!
I'm debating on doing IUI rather than at-home ICI...I mean, there's nothing wrong with my fertility, and according to my OB-GYN, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to conceive...but IUI has a slightly better success rate, and while I like the idea of at least SOME intimacy and privacy in the conception of my Imp...*sigh* I just want him/her here. I dunno, I'll decide that closer to this spring. But it's food for thought.
Things this elf is looking forward to: More snow! :)
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: Eh, see above.
Pretty boy of the moment: Um, yeah, seriously, Jude Law has eaten my brain at this point.
However, going out would necessitate me going out and clearing my car of about eight inches of snow with my bare hands and a towel as I do not own a broom or an ice-scraper and only have one pair of gloves that I'm NOT going to get soaked 'cause I need them when I walk Marley.
Also, I walked Marley this morning before the snow plows had gone through (hey, YOU try being cooped up in a one-bedroom with a stir-crazy 75 pound LabraHorse and see how long it takes you to give in to puppy-eyes-telepathy asking for a walk) and consequently, my jeans are soaked through from the calf down.
And no, I don't own an ice scraper 'cause I've only recently moved from a southern state where snow is a rarity...I'm just too lazy to go buy one. Same on the broom...why bother? My Dirt Devil works just fine in the kitchen.
Any road, I'm snowed in...truly a gloriously spectacular storm last night...we got nearly a foot of snow in a six hour period. It's awesome. Everything is gorgeous and crisp and white and the snow hasn't eroded to that disgusting brown-grey slush that just makes you miserable and achy everytime you look at it. Fresh, sparkling snowfall? Makes me happier than just about anything else.
And there's nothing to do but watch TV and play on the internet (really, I have tests to grade, laundry to do, and my bath tub desperately needs to be scrubbed out...but c'mon! Evidently, my school district doesn't close for anything less than a level four snow emergency, so I'm unlikely to get days off this winter...I'm damn well gonna take a snow day and just lounge in my pj's, nosh on the pineapple in my 'fridge I really have to eat before it spoils, and veg out.)
Unfortunately, Saturday television is really quite pathetic. There's a MonsterQuest marathon on the History channel...but as much as I love paranormal and cryptozoology-based reality television (dude, Ghost Hunters is SO much better than the friggin' televised prostitution and physical torture marketed under the guise of dating shows and such. Though I will admit that watching Toddlers and Tiaras gives me a certain amount of comfort in my future parenting abilities...no matter how much I suck, I'll never be as crazy as some of those stage moms. Yeesh) MonsterQuest sucks. At least Ghost Hunters often comes up with interesting and unexplainable phenomenon (and even when they don't, I can watch Tango for an hour...definitely wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers). MonsterQuest is an hour of badly CGI-ed recreations of cryptozoological creatures and ominous narrative that always, always, ALWAYS ends in: "in the end, the expedition is unable to capture any new evidence of -insert random mythological beast here--The team returns home...empty-handed." Dun-dun-DUUUUUUUUN! Like I didn't see that one coming a mile off.
Though in all fairness, I should note, I have not yet turned the MonsterQuest marathon OFF yet.
Even my beloved Food Network has failed me, filling their Saturday lineup with all the crap cooking shows that can't make it in primetime. Yeah, I'm talking to YOU Five-Ingredient-Fix girl. Seriously, you have the personality impact of a wet dishrag and you keep looking at the wrong camera for your full-on, "now I'm personally talking to the audience" shots.
Even Barefoot Contessa annoyed me today. I normally like the Barefoot Contessa. Food's a little on the high-end side for my budget, but it looks delicious, and the recipes are relatively simple. I would totally make Ina my go-to cookbook for special occasions. But she's soooooooo frickin' pretentious! And then tries to pretend that she's not. Like today, there was this whole big long segment where she's standing in the giant front yard of her house in the Hamptons with a pile of freshly-cut tulips that would go for $150 in a florist's and a set of glass containers the size of a flour cannister, a Pringles can, and a friggin' BEER KEG and she's all "*groan* One of the hardest things for me is finding the right vase for my flower arrangments...it's sooo hard to judge sometimes, so I just have to try different ones until I find the one that fits." And then it's wow, let's see...no, I can't fit $150 worth of tulips in a pringles can...and wow! They just fall right over in the GLASS BEER KEG. See? I make silly mistakes too! Oh, there we go...the last one is just right! Whew, what a relief!
Bitch, please.
You live in the Hamptons, you take holiday jaunts to France whenever it strikes your fancy, and you prounounce vase as "vahz" with a straight face. Stop trying to relate to me, just show me how to make your fancy food so I can impress my friends and relatives the two times a year I can afford your ingredients.
I genuinely do like that show, and she seems like a lovely lady...those staged bits where everyone tries to convince the viewer that people prancing around there weekend Hampton homes with honest-to-God pastel sweaters tied around their shoulders are Just Like Everyone Else just annoy the piss out of me.
So yeah, not much going on here.
Still debating whether I want to try and move again next year, and if I do, whether I want to try and move in with my kid sister and take care of her a bit. Jury's still out on that. She's making some progress...evidently the nursing school thing is sticking, for now. I still don't think she has the temperment to make it as a nurse, but nothing would please me more than to be underestimating her. I'm genuinely not trying to be insulting to my sister, here. There are just some jobs that you have to have a calling for. I certainly couldn't be a nurse! My sister who IS a nurse couldn't fathom being a teacher. So if our youngest sister can make a go of it, good for her, and I will be so proud of her and so happy for her...but I just genuinely don't think she's cut out for the work and the more unpleasant aspects of the job. She could certainly do something people-oriented. Kid's got more social grace in her little finger than I've got in my whole body. I just don't see her cleaning up vomit and blood and poop and being happy with it.
And then there's the whole empathy thing. Put it like this...couple weeks ago, we went out shopping for my middle sister's wedding dress. I was there, my stepsisters were there, our mother and stepmother were there. My mom HATES my stepmother (fair enough as she is the woman Dad cheated on her with and left her for) and she still managed to put it aside long enough to be a part of something so important to C. Youngest sister, on the other hand, begged off, saying that she had a test that morning and then work. As we're trying to get her to be more focused on school, we reluctantly accepted the excuse.
Turns out, youngest sister just didn't want to get up early enough to get to the appointment at the dress boutique. She's a frickin' bridesmaid in the wedding. And it's OUR SISTER. Call me crazy, but I was not impressed.
So yeah, thinking long and hard about entangling myself in youngest sister's problems to the extent of living with her. It has the potential to be thoroughly unpleasant and stressful (things I don't need if I'm going to be trying to get pregnant this year)...but at the same time I feel that NOT doing it when I have the potential to help her get back on track would be incredibly selfish and wrong of me. And then I go back to the fact that my sister's a grown woman who has repeatedly lied to my face about very important matters for going on two years now, thrown my attempts at understanding back at me, and just in general shown not a whit of regard for anyone in our family. Do I really want to potentially put aspects of my life on hold for someone who doesn't seem to WANT help?
I dunno...I suppose the answer will come to me eventually.
On to more pleasant matters....Imp Watch, Twenty Ten.
Has a nice ring to it, eh?
So, I'm readjusting plans now that my friend J has backed out. Back to sperm banks. I've pretty much resolved to go with Midwest, but am researching other options. At the moment, I'm concentrating on just getting myself as healthy as possible...eating ridiculous amounts of fruit and vegetables, whole-fat dairy (which evidently is good for fertility, if not your waistline), and whole grains. Dieting is going pretty well. Didn't bother calorie counting during the holidays (what's the point? The best you can do for a diet during the holidays in my house is try not to overeat the awesome yummy stuff), but am back on track now. I'm also back on my herbal regimen of Evening Primrose Oil and have started an herbal supplement called Fertilaid. Was a little leery of it at first, as I don't like processed herbals as a general rule, but this stuff came with good reviews and there's nothing in it that will actually hurt me...so figured it was worth a shot. I haven't had much luck with Vitex (chaste tree) in the past, but I rather think that's because Vitex can take a few months to work properly in some people and I didn't start it early enough to take an adjustment period into account.
Oh, and I'm trying Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred as an exercise regimen.
Holy SHIT, that's the most unpleasant 20 minutes of my day, hands down. It's HARD. But, I need to get some more weight off, and the woman definitely produces results. Haven't been doing it enough to tell, yet, but if nothing else, I'm definitely going to be stronger by the time my 30 days are up.
So, Imp Watch schedule is looking like this:
February, March, April--main focus on losing weight and getting healthier
May/June--final decision on sperm bank, submit paperwork and order donor
Late July/August--attempt for the Imp, woohoo!
I'm debating on doing IUI rather than at-home ICI...I mean, there's nothing wrong with my fertility, and according to my OB-GYN, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to conceive...but IUI has a slightly better success rate, and while I like the idea of at least SOME intimacy and privacy in the conception of my Imp...*sigh* I just want him/her here. I dunno, I'll decide that closer to this spring. But it's food for thought.
Things this elf is looking forward to: More snow! :)
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: Eh, see above.
Pretty boy of the moment: Um, yeah, seriously, Jude Law has eaten my brain at this point.
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