You Know What? This Elf Says She Makes Her Own Destiny

Heyas,

You know what Universe? I'm having my baby. I don't care how long it takes, or how many other BFD's I have to endure, or what paths you lead me down...I'm having my baby. My Imp is going to be so loved and so cherished and I will be a Kick. Ass. Mom. That was a hell of a rollercoaster you put me on this summer, and I hated damn near every minute of it for the uncertainty, the weird feelings, the freakin' NAUSEA for a month straight, and I loved damn near every minute because for just a little while I tasted a bit of what it'll be like when I have my Imp. And that's worth anything.

So there. You messed with my plans a little...and I'm sorry to say that for a little while I forgot that I'm pretty damn good at rolling with whatever punches you throw my way. I'm having my baby. And maybe it won't be all neat and well-planned and deliberate. But it'll be me and my Imp and that'll be enough. I will make it work, and I will make it work well.

And I believe that there are forces guiding what happens, and some things may or may not be meant to be. But I also believe that I myself am a proactive force...I do not have to sit here and let things wash over me. I am ready for my Imp. I am ready to love and care for and be responsible for my Imp. I don't believe that I would feel these things if there was not a path somewhere that would bring us together. I'm having my baby.

Now, witness me going out and making that happen.


So, yeah, now all I have to do is join in a funky dance around a dining room table and I'll have met the girl-power-oh-hell-YEAH quota on the Lifetime Movie Event scale. But you know what? I'm tired of being depressed and wishy-washy over this whole thing. The BFD fiasco and then all that shit with NW Andrology (and some personal stuff that I just don't wanna talk about online) really messed with my head for a while. I see signs in things, you know? And I really thought that all this was a sign that the Universe just wasn't down with my plans.

And then I remembered that that's not the attitude that I've ever approached anything with. Fall down seven times, get up eight; what does not kill us only makes us stronger; etc, etc, etc. I've never in my life just rolled over when something doesn't go exactly the way I wanted it to...just tilted my head and looked for the new perspective that'll get me where I'm going. So the summer birth thing didn't work out...I guess that just means I'm meant to be one of those Moms who throws awesome classroom birthdays. A Halloween baby...how appropriate would that be?

So yeah, I'm going for this. Taking a couple of months to explore options...I actually asked a friend of mine if he would be willing to be a KD and he's mulling it over. If that doesn't work out, I think I'll go with Midwest, and maybe just go all out and do IUI this time. But I'm going to have my baby. Full speed ahead and damn the torpedos.

Things this Elf is looking forward to: Thanksgiving! Home, home, home, home, home!
Things currently annoying the crap out of her: State-mandated writing tests that require seventh graders to type an entire essay in seventy minutes when they don't start 'keyboarding' classes until high school.
Pretty boy of the moment: Matthew Gray Gubler (aka, Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds)...which really blows my mind. He looks almost anorexic...I desperately want to take him home and feed him a proper Italian dinner...or six.

But yeah, afterwards, I'd totally hit that. ;)